Why did Ixzion cross the road?
I am so sick and tired of writing this column. It's stupid, the
readers are stupid, the replies are stupid. The only reason I
don't stop and lodge my fist firmly in your grapefruits (or
lotus patch for the women) is because you'd all be happy if
I stopped. And I'm way too spiteful to allow that to happen.
Kawaii. =^_^=.
Anyway, if you're new to this column, then leave now. If you're too
dense to leave, then stay. If you can't read, then you wouldn't be
here if I had bust in a rubber. Anyone else, here's how this goes:
You see, every time I respond to a question, I will post a Stab-O-Meter
score beside it. If your post is truly stupid (and belive me, they're
all stupid), then I will stab you on a 1-6 scale. The more stupid it is, the more times
I will stab you. Or, conversely, you shall get a medal.
 or
 ?
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Reader: Draygone
Response:
Clearly this is a bad parody of an overused joke. The road which was crossed
must certainly be destroyed, or else it will one day be used once more to...
Aw, heck with it. He's off to play more practical jokes on Old Man Willsam.
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Stab-O-Meter
Angry Stabs
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Ixzion's Response to: Dray-gone-peed-himself
Response:
Clearly, you have the deductive skills of a lemon. Please go and off
yourself in rush hour traffic; you don't deserve to breed.
P.S. What I do to Old Man Willsam is no one's business. God, I wish
I knew how to quit him.
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Reader: Staffy
Response:
You know that joke is realy old, I think perhaps it had a diferent meaning way back when.
Like it's supposed to be: "Why did the chicken cross the Rhode?," not "Why did the Chicken cross the road?"
The answer? "Because the Rhode lived in Turkey."
But I digress.
I think that Ixzion crossed the road because there were free Next gen consoles over there.
And women. Lots of hot young women that wanted to do him. Hell, I'd cross...well, HELL for that.
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Stab-O-Meter
Stab Flurry
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Ixzion's Response to: Stubby
Response:
Thanks for the history lesson, assface. Why not tell me
where that Stab Flurry came from next time? Douche.
Besides, this isn't what YOU would cross the road for, genius.
It's what I, myself, would cross it for. And Stubby's response, my dear
readers, is why your mother should fall down the stairs while pregnant.
Unless it's on purpose. Then it's awesome.
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Reader: Altoecko
Response:
Who the f*ck cares, what's he doing away from the computer?
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Stab-O-Meter
Thumbs Up
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Ixzion's Response to: Altowecho
Response:
That response made me smile. Not because it was smart; it's
because it was true. If I needed something important, I'd
have a maid get it.
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Reader: Pagerron
Response:
to try some of the spicy quince marmalade being prepared with
great care by the Flabberjowel family of guinea pigs.
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Stab-O-Meter
Brandish
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Ixzion's Response to: Pagerron (see why below)
Response:
Ixzion is highly displeased with your grammar. He does not
like it. What the hell happened? You press "New Topic" and
you suddenly went back to 3rd grade? And forget about Ixzion
trying to comprehend that pile of crap.
What prevented a higher degree of stabs was the enjoyment
you gave Ixzion with your name. Pagerron sounds like some
venereal disease you get from unclean women of the night.
"Yeah, I got Pagerron from that girl on 37th and Broad."
Ixzion laughed, he did.
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Reader: OblivionWolf
Response:
To get to the prostitute on the other side.
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Stab-O-Meter
Instant Kill
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Ixzion's Response to: O-givethenamesarest
Response:
I am thoroughly insulted. And you're very wrong. You see,
the hooker would come up to me asking for a nice time. And
if she looked okay, I might let her pay me to have sex.
I know, I'm too kind. It's my weakness.
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Reader: Chrssy
Response:
to get that oh so yummy plump juicy chicken that crossed before him.
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Stab-O-Meter
Ginsu'd
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Ixzion's Response to: Crappy
Response:
My brain hurts. You share Mr. Disease's grammatical skills,
but at least you came up with a semi-reasonable hypothesis.
But it was very stereotypical. Just because I'm the head of
an RPG Maker site, doesn't mean I like chicken! Why not say
that I like red beans and rice, cornbread, and watermelon
while you're at it? I mean, all heads of sites LOVE that, right?
You're a bad person.
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Reader: Bonanza Wire
Response:
There is only one valid reason for Ixzion to cross the road, and
that...is to eventually get his Bachelor's Degree in Web Programming.
Everyone else is wrong. WRONG.
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Stab-O-Meter
Handshake
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Ixzion's Response to: Banana Fire
Response:
Actually, that is one good reason I would cross the
road! Someone with intelligence giving an intelligent
answer in this column? Wow.
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Reader: Hell Hunter
Response:
No you're wrong why would Ixz have to cross the road.
Its the road that appears in front of him but he could
just cross another road. But why cross any roads at
all? Is it because there is something on the other
side waiting for him, something that could cause
harm or profit? It could be neither but Ixzion
won't know that until he crosses that road, to
cross that road you must look for a solution to
an unknown problem................*goes on and on
rambling an elaborate but unnecessary convo*
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Stab-O-Meter
Angry Stabs
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Ixzion's Response to: Heck Forager
Response:
Why is it that the most retarded people always try to talk
smart? Whatever comes out their mouth is like their brain
just had mental diarrhea: a loose confederation of
bright ideas they heard someone else say just sprays out.
Never come back to this column ever.
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Reader: Regal
Response:
¬¬ because he was too stupid to drive...
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Stab-O-Meter
Instant Kill
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Ixzion's Response to: Smeagol
Response:
Not funny in the least. And I'm not stupid: you are! Just
like all British people. You silly beef.
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Reader: Sumisem
Response:
well regal pwned my answer.. was going to say because
it was there >___> or because he can.. or something along
those lines.
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Stab-O-Meter
Brandish
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Ixzion's Response to: Sue-me, simpleton
Response:
See, this is why you never send a woman to do a man's job.
Just kidding!* ^_^;;
*I'm not kidding.
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Reader: N.L.Y.
Response:
To re-attain his intrinsic goodness would be my only guess.
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Stab-O-Meter
Mad Props
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Ixzion's Response to: NothingLikeYoungins
Response:
YES! That's the only correct answer here.
Congrats. You've gotten the highest rating in the history
of the column! Four medals! Would be more but I've NEVER
lost my intrinsic goodness.
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Reader: Reki
Response:
To begin building the RPG Maker Magazine, because the big
evil corporation RPG Maker Pavilion on the other side of
the road cast him out.
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Stab-O-Meter
Thumbs Up
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Ixzion's Response to: Lazy
Response:
Ancient history lesson/10.
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Reader: Fayorei
Response:
To get to the garlic toast on the other side.
I have this. :p
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Stab-O-Meter
Brandish
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Ixzion's Response to: Stupid Staffer
Response:
Garlic Toast! My one weakness! <3
But get this straight: you don't have anything. You're
worthless without me! You're fired.
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Reader: Lantis
Response:
My official guess is to create disfunction and confusion among the
mag. Or maybe to get out of eyesight to change into his Amy Rose
costume and fool some n00bs for a laugh or two.
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Stab-O-Meter
Love Stabs
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Ixzion's Response to: Lambpiss
Response:
I am not Amy Rose.
And what's with your "official" guess? What makes it official?
Is it backed by
some multi-faceted, facelss company? Or is it backed by
COMMUNISM? Only stupid n00bs like you would say something
like that. Go die.
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Reader: NeoSamurai
Response:
There is no possible explanation to the reason why he crossed the road. In order to
come to a real conclusion, we must figure out the following:
Who did he cross with?
Where is this infamous road located?
What items did he have on him upon crossing said road?
Was there anything that he may have said to hint as to what he would do on the
other side of the road?
At what time did he cross the road?
Until these questions are answered, the first question, "Why did Ixzion cross
the road?", will remain a mystery.
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Stab-O-Meter
Stab Flurry
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Ixzion's Response to: UniqueName
Response:
Why are my tax dollars going toward teaching this mental midget?
All those questions are irrelevant, along with your existence.
It must have been a really boring day when your parents decided
to create you.
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Reader: slasherx2
Response:
to dance dance to the revoltion
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Stab-O-Meter
Instant Kill
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Ixzion's Response to: Kewlnamex2
Response:
I'll let this speak for itself.
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Reader: Kratos Aurion
Response:
So he could get the complete fried chicken, watermelon, and cornbread special.
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Stab-O-Meter
Thumbs Up
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Ixzion's Response to: Dawn
Response:
Yum! That sounds really tasty!
Yes, we site heads do love all of that stuff. But
he's a site head, too, so it's okay.
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Reader: Digitalfox23
Response:
Because he saw a bigger and better RPGmaker.
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Stab-O-Meter
Brandish
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Ixzion's Response to: AnalogDog69
Response:
Way past lame. I don't go after RPG Makers. RPG Makers come
to me, muthafugga!
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Reader: Appledoor
Response:
To make one of the greatest RPG Maker sites that ever walked the earth!
Hooray for this site!
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Stab-O-Meter
Thumbs Up
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Ixzion's Response to: Kissass
Response:
Is it even possible to get your nose that far up my butt?
Good thing I like that kind of thing.
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Reader: zkhatfanatic
Response:
Because he saw his favorite restaurant on the other side
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Stab-O-Meter
Brandish
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Ixzion's Response to: zyxkaq...that guy.
Response:
You fail to mention what kind of restaurant it would be.
I have many favorite places. I bet you want me to go
to one of those...FRENCH spots, don't you? With
cuisine like roasted duck and kiwi-mayonnaise glaze and
weird stuff. Get bent.
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Reader: TheAsianInvasion
Response:
Because everyone needs to get away from their own little personal rain cloud.
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Stab-O-Meter
Love Stabs
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Ixzion's Response to: TheAsianInvasionCameUpShort
Response:
You people are my rain cloud. No, it's more like my own
personal Idiot Tsunami. All I can do, short of committing
suicide, would be to stop writing the column. I won't give
you the satisfaction.
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Reader: bigfoot721
Response:
Because he was hungry.
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Stab-O-Meter
Instant Kill
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Ixzion's Response to: bigslow
Response:
This response came in after I was done with the column.
I forgot to lock the topic and this peon got in under
the wire. I suppose I should be grateful that he reminded
me of locking the topic, but he made more work for me,
so I hate him. Oh, and your response is the exact same
one someone else posted earlier, you pudgy pilferer.
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Ixzion's Response to: Reader's Voice Readers
Response:
Did you enjoy the gigantic feast I prepared for you?
Doesn't matter either way, as you will like it or else.
Anyway, the topic for the next Reader's Voice
is What is RPGMM better than? Check
the RPGMM Issue Contributions
forum to respond later.
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