"Hey honey, why don't'cha git back in the kitchen... an' make me some dinna?!"

"Can I water the garden instead?"

"No!!! You git in the kitchen nao! b*tch!"

"I'm.. so sorry.."

"Don't apologize to me, woman.

You don't want me to--"

"No, not that again!"

"I thought so."

My point (as you all help me to refine it) is that what seems to be an issue with me are the following:

No need to exclude yourself from talking to, looking at, dancing with and laughing with other girls, why is monogamy threatened by touching them?

Why do most people (unlike myself and the truecoolness) think that monogamy by definition should have any time component implied (i.e. long lasting) as opposed to merely imply that you only have one partner?

Why think that polygamy is the only alternative? In other words, making out with many girls (which lets say is not quite polygamy) might be way better than full sex with only one girl. Why commit to a girl anything other than the way in which you ACTUALLY relate to her (mentally, spiritually, and/or physically) instead of through the formal lable of a type (i.e. girlfriend, wife, friend with benefits, etc.). In other words, the only thing you need to call her is her name, and your actual interaction will convey the essential meaning.

When I say we are animals, what I mean are two things. First that we ARE animals, not humans with an animal nature but animals with a human nature. I know that many of you will disagree because you believe in creation instead of evolution, but this is the position that I am taking.

Second regardless of whether we were created or evolved. Many people say they will NEVER cheat and somehow they do.

How can that be?

I am asserting that the reality is more real than the ideal and that as long as names are given, contracts are enforced, and ideals are held higher, the reality will leave us trying to solve our problems by wondering why men cheat when instead the more realistic question to
wonder is why men commit?

Men cannot cheat on women if there is no such thing as cheating, and the only reason that there is such a thing as cheating is because men sign up for contracts which call it cheating without realizing they have alternatives.

By that logic, man cannot steal if there is no such thing as stealing. Man cannot murder if there is no such thing as murder. It's too simple a way of thinking.

OK..Bo....since you're going off on all this natural crap...I think you've missed something...

Speaking Naturally, as the animals we are, men are HIGHLY territorial. And I mean very highly. When we consider something as ours we do not want something else f*cking with it... Which is a base reason to commit. By focusing our attention on one target we have less of a chance of losing site of that target (not saying that's true, just saying that's the mental instinct.)

If we're focused on a female then we'll know if another male comes around, and thus be able to protect our territory.

Well lets first throw it out there that cheating, is having affair with another person while you are in a committed relationship with another person. This is the problem, it's not the sex or other acts with that person that are the problem, it's the fact that you broke a promise. SO if you don't think you can keep that promise then you probably shouldn't have committed (a mistake many likely make).

As to why people cheat, it's normally because they have problems in their relationship but don't have the balls to talk about it, or end the current relationship before moving on. So instead of keeping the trust of the person, they destroy that relationship, and possibly the new one as well if the person they are cheating with doesn't know of the other. So it is all about trust, which is one of the cornerstones of a relationship. Certainly it is fine to think that relationships are unnecessary and some people live by that mantra.

Now why is trust important, because it is one of the cornerstones of society, without trust we have chaos. With chaos come anxiety, sleeplessness and a lot of other things that come from a lack of comfort. This is why cheating is so reviled, while sleeping around while single and divorce aren't as much.

So certainly I think you have it right about being able to hang out with other women/men while in a relationship, and I think couples that don't allow that are being incredible dense, but when you romantically involve yourself with someone else while you agreed that you are romantically involved with another, then it's cheating and a problem. It's all about setting expectations, people don't enter into a relationship with the expectation that it can be defiled at any point (certainly it may end, and I think people who think it's not possible for it to are being a bit naive). Also it's about respect for the other person.

I see this is what you were getting at a bit, however people enter contracts to have some since of order, knowing that another is theres, being able to come home to the same person every night knowing they will be faithful to you as you are to them. Then you get the benefits of a loving relationship, and can move on to other things together. Certainly to some this is boring, but to a lot it makes sense and is highly beneficial. So really I think people should go into relationships like they do leases and jobs, sure you may be there forever, but if not give at least a couple of months notice .

@Shadowfox1001
The point that I am making is that if you stab and kill someone, whether you agreed you would or not you do direct damage, whether or not you call it murder.

If you make out with another girl (let's make it easy, no stds no pregnancy, maybe even no nudity), by very fact that you said you wouldn't becomes cheating which is maintained as very negative although you didn't do anything directly to the girlfriend, except break the trust, which would not be direct (unlike stabbing and killing) if you didn't agree to make it direct. Because so many people cheat, I see it as evidence that people are signing up for contracts that they cannot handle, or that they don't actually have control over.

@Kajakfaucon
Well if we are being completely natural (although if evolution alone is the case, all culture is still natural, so maybe I'll say "biological"), it would seem men wouldn't commit to a single girl for the most part (like say "you are my girlfriend"), they would take what they could (maybe more than one girl) and protect what they could, but they would still find themselves relating at least somewhat affectionately on occasion. Their behavior would dictate.

I understand it is within human behavior to make and attempt to keep contracts. My point is that the average Joe does not seem to realize how much tradition plays a role in in the type of contracts we sign up for. We need not sign up for them, and if we are not prepared for them (as many people evidently are who cheat) then we fail them and wonder how it could have happened. What does not get disclosed and is CRUCIAL are the don't ask/ don't tell traditions. In other words, the reason that many women traditionally have loving relationships with their men is because part of the contract that goes unsaid may be that men don't tell their women that they are cheating.

I am beginning to believe that many of our dads and granddads cheated (oftentimes even if they were mitigated by a religious belief that said that behaving biologically male was, "bad") and that is why the relationships were "successful". Since the man's nature is not directly admitted and celebrated (or at least not not scorn), many men have to learn the hard way that they are destined to be cheaters or at the very least, not completely honest with the women they think they can be completely honest with.

@Thetruecoolness
I think that what you bring up about trust is very important. It is something that I have to think more about. My thoughts (see above) are that just because you have trust doesn't mean you have fidelity and it isn't always because you don't have the balls to talk about it or break up. Sometimes men trust themselves or their love for their girlfriend or God's graces too much, to prevent them from cheating or at least not being completely faithful. That is what I'm saying, but I will think about it more.

To the untrained eye it looks like you are condoning the act of cheating, but to me... it looks like you are condoning the the act of cheating. So are you saying it is okay to betray the trust of the one in which you are committed? Those "don't ask don't tell" relationships are also terrible. While they may appear happy, often times it has been eating at them turning them into a nervous wreck. I kind of doubt they would be singing the same tune once someone is caught in the act. I don't think they would join in the fun.

For the record, if I were in a relationship, I would be fiercely loyal.

I like women and puzzy, no monogamy for me.

Same here...the girl doesn't even have to be a drop dead gorgeous model (but I do have to feel some sort of attraction), I would not stray...because then I'd be just like most western women.

@Jamos

I'm not saying it is OK to betray the trust of who you are commited to. I'm saying the reality is that it happens often.

So as an alternative, I'm saying people should at least consider having relationships with others where that trust is not so unnaturally pressured and excessive.

It may not be as religious or romantic, but it just might be more realistic.

I am also not saying that the don't ask/don't tell are always happy, I'm saying that many people that look around (in 3rd person) and see that marriage/monogamy works might not see the whole picture until they get into a marriage/monogamous relationship and have to learn the hard way (in 1st person). Not everyone, maybe not even most, but I invite you to consider how many it might be.

@Ixzion, Bonanza Wire
I'm not doubting you specifically, but many who have said that have still ended up unfaithful, have they not?

So I don't know who gets to actually believe themselves when they say it. Or better yet, we can all believe ourselves, but which of us wishes we would be more skeptical about our own expectations of ourselves and those who we enter into a contract with?