I've been wanting to do this for some time now. I think it's time to stop screwing around and follow through on my feelings. There's a voice in the back of my mind that says "Just leave without any fanfare. Don't go away talking about it. Just go away." But that's not my style. For me, there's a finality in making a declaration of intent, and I find it helpful.

I had typed up a lengthy, in-depth explanation of my feelings about the RPG Maker communities, but I'm afraid to post it. Typing it all out and organizing it did help me to work through my feelings. But the Mag and Pavilion are not going to change, and it's wrong of me to ask them to change because of my personal grievances. Both communities got on fine without me before I joined, and they'll continue to thrive without any help from me.

The long and short of it is that my heart is broken in so many ways. I am not angry about anything. My tone of voice is calm and under control. What I am is hurt. And it's not really anyone's fault. It's just the nature of the beast that is the RPG Maker community. I'll even take the blame. It's probably a deficiency on my part. I feel that explaining my feelings in further detail will not change anything. The only thing it will accomplish is getting it all off my chest. While that may be more informative, I'm not comfortable with it, especially in public.

There is one thing that I will take the time to explain here. Since I joined the RPG Maker communities at the Mag and Pavilion, I have accomplished less with RPG Maker than I did before I joined the communities. I finished my first game before I started frequenting the message boards and all that good stuff. There are other things that have factored into my lack of progress. Setbacks and delays outside of the community. But the fact remains that I have been less than productive in the game producing department. I'm afraid that if I continue to be active in the communities and continue posting regularly, it'll come at the cost of game making progress.

I have so many hurt feelings that come from both communities, and I'm afraid I may never get over it if I continue to look at these sites. The way I get over things like this is to distance myself from the source of my hurt feelings, and time heals all wounds. I have learned much from both communities. The most important thing I've learned is that I'm better off on my own.

I came here for the games, not the community. I tried to be a productive member of both communities, and I've learned that it just doesn't gell with me. My development studio was becoming a blog that I grew increasingly uncomfortable with. Yet, still I continued to try to provide content for it. I reached a point where I just don't care anymore. I had my five minutes of fame over at the Pavilion, and I didn't like it. I felt uncomfortable around the fanboys, and I abhor the haters. There are many other things that have happened at both communities that have left their mark on me. Presently, I am scarred and beaten down. I am in no condition to continue making games. I must retreat and heal up for a while, at the very least. Regardless, my desire is to make games. For me, it's about the games, not the people. Both communities tend to be more about the people than the games.

If I go into more detail about my feelings, I might as well post that big essay I wrote. So I'll stop here.

I am retreating from the RPG Maker community like a wounded animal running to hide. When I have a new game ready for publication, I will submit it at both sites. The "Pirate Nut Games" forum will serve as a home for gaming support material (FAQs and guides). For the foreseeable future, that will be the extent of my participation.

I am not angry. I am hurt. My heart is broken. That probably doesn't make any sense without an explanation of why it's broken, but I don't feel comfortable with bearing my soul for all to see, laugh at, and make smart remarks about.

This is goodbye and farewell. I wish all of you the best.

("That was the short version?" Yeah, you don't want to see the in-depth one.)

~*~*~

Here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
And I've made up my mind
I ain't wastin' no more time

We lost a great member

Farewell, Crythania

Well from my point of view I cannot see what anyone at this site has done to hurt you. We're we supposed to do something else? Good luck with the gamemaking.

more so then here, the pavi is a dangerous place for anyone to post at. the degree of cynicism, negativity, seemingly mean spirited posting often drags me down but i realize that its just how some people are, and realize that most of it is jokes i take what i hear with a grain of salt and give back what i think benefits the community and pull from the community what i want and need to keep going forward.

sometimes what isnt said is what hurts the most, especially if its a kind word like thank you, or the friendliness of a supporting hand when your losing an argument, or even just acknowledgment that never was said or spoken too late.

its easy to feel alienated on a message board, and as communities change over time you may even feel that you lack the compatibility you once had, especially if the reason you came here has changed.

i have seen a great deal of members leave both boards, many of which i miss terribly and will always miss. even if they never knew it, i still remember each and every one of them, their personalities, the fun stuff they did. its great to see a friendly face return after a while, as i hope that you will. far too many of the good people leave.

i like to run away from problems but i find that the faster you run, the faster they run to catch up to you. take a step back if you need it, reanalyze why your here, build up your courage and strength and return here or, should you still feel it, walk away. a message board is meant to be fun, if its dragging you down then cut it out of your life.

the pavi was dragging me down some years ago so i cut it from my life, only to return when my interest in rpg maker returned and i still had missed the community. i would however like to see more work on rpg maker, it seam to get less attention every year.

anyway, good luck with whatever you decide.

That's... that's a shame. I've read some of what you had to say about game making, and I honestly think more game makers should think like you. As DP put it, you're a great member. I'm sad to hear this.

I don't go to the Pav and I can't hope to understand what goes on over there, but I know this place... and I'm sure, I'm absolutely sure, that no one here ever intended to harm you. No one here will laugh at you, nor make smart remarks about you... I've never seen this kind of thing here.

Anyway, you seem to have made up your mind.
Farewell, and all of the best to you. Good luck.

I think I kinda get where you're coming from. Or maybe not.

Either way, good luck.

It's a shame to see you go. You're deffinetly one of the more talented people when it comes to the makers. I hope you can mend the wounds you feel and some day return. If nothing else find happieness, and find more time to make games.

Farewell for now.

Hey, whatever makes you happy man. Also, if that's what it takes to make a game to the best of your ability... then by all means.

Though you don't mention exactly how you were hurt... I would like to say that if it was due to the lack of interest in your game and/or gaming progress, leaving isn't going to help get your work out in the open. It only hinders it. Without the Pav and the Mag, you are stuck locally distributing your games.

Though if it was the conduct of the members, I apologize and would like to know where the fault lies so that this can be avoided in the future... be it with you, or any other members.

Anyway, I wish you the best with your games.

Karr,

You summed up my feelings about the Pavilion nicely and in just a couple sentences. Dangerous environment; and negative, critical, mean spirited attitudes.

All,

I find it interesting that supportive commentary starts showing up after I declare my intent to leave. "You'll be missed." "You were a great member." "I liked you a lot [even though I hardly said a word to you until now]." As I see it, the Mag's main problem is that no one cares until someone starts making a big deal out of something. I have to ask for attention and respect.

Lantis,

I guess I'll elaborate about my feelings. But I really believe that there's nothing anyone can do differently. As I said earlier, I don't believe it's anyone's fault. There is definitely nothing that Ix or Valk can do differently to make these sites any better than they are. Both admins have worked hard to provide us with a place where we can publish our games, and download games and play them. And both sites do work for those purposes and for the dissemination of information.

I'll have to begin with a brief personal history. Don't worry; it's pertinent to my place and role in the community.

~*~*~

History

During the 80s and early 90s, I was very motivated to make video games. I programmed numerous games on my Atari 130XE computer. I designed text adventures, platformers, arcade style games, and a few early generation RPGs. The most I ever saw by way of publication was a few of my games published by a local computer group during the late 80s. At the time, we didn't have the vast internet that we have now. Sharing my creations with the public wasn't as easy as it is now. But you'd be surprised at how motivated I was. I made many games that no one else ever saw. I'd get an idea for a game, work on designing it, program it, and then play it. I remember I spent quite a bit of time working with the programming code and debugging to get my creations just right. Then I'd play the games. During this time, I was content and happy with the fruits of my labors; but I always wondered if it would be better if I could share my creations with others.

(Side Note: During the late 80s, PCs took over as the dominant home computer, and support for Atari's line of computers faded. My Atari 130XE eventually crashed during the early 90s, and I couldn't find support for it. PC programming is harder to do than the simple Atari programming that I did. I had difficulty picking it up and eventually gave up on it.)

The RPG Maker Community And Me

Fast forward to a couple years ago. When I got RPG Maker 3 and started working with it, I was frequenting the RPG Maker 3 board at GameFAQs. I learned of the Pavilion and Mag because Valkysas and Ix advertised their existence on that board. And I was like, "This is my chance! It's not as good as programming from scratch, but here's my chance to make games again and get them published."

I must admit that I approached the Pavilion and Mag with trepidation. I have always been reclusive because of my illness (I don't function well in a crowd). I have had prior experience with online communities. I have debated with Star Wars nerds on message boards. I have done free form role playing. As mentioned, I sometimes hang out at GameFAQs (which is an absolute mess of childish online behavior). I am no stranger to the beast of internet community behavior.

The internet tends to bring out the worst in people. I think the main culprit is the anonymity. You can say whatever you want and get away with it. You can say things you'd never say to someone's face. You can be sarcastic, rude, unfriendly, childish... and you can get away with it because you'll never meet the people you're insulting/being rude to/etc face to face. The internet has a way of turning otherwise decent hearted people into monsters. I bring this up because it's pertinent to the RPG Maker community as well. The Pavilion moreso than the Mag.

Cyber bullying is a big issue nowadays, and it seems to me that it gets worse every year. It's easy to be rude. Harder to be polite and respectful of others. I guess a lot of people get off on being rude. When someone complains, he's called a baby. "What, you can't take a little abuse?" Here's a news flash: I don't have to take a little abuse or any abuse if I don't want to. I am not obligated to hang around negative people.

I joined both communities before I finished my first game, but I didn't do anything at either site until my first game was ready for publication. There was a small group of people at GameFAQs who were almost unerringly supportive. Making my first game was a great experience because of the support I had from that small group at the time. Some of the guys provided technical support with programming issues and AI. Others stopped in now and then to say a cheerful and encouraging word. All provided moral support. I felt welcome in that group; and I in turn did my best to support them.

No One Cares

Since I joined the RPG Maker communities at the Mag and Pavilion, I have learned many things. I have learned that other people are unreliable and cannot be counted on to be friendly and supportive. I have learned that other people have so many different gaming tastes. Everyone has his own idea of what a perfect game should be, and so many are critical of anything that doesn't fit into their ideal. My first game looks pretty good from my point of view. But from the points of view of others, it is lacking. And people feel compelled to point out every little detail of what they don't like about it.

Back during the 80s, gamers were far less critical. We had good games, bad games, and everything in between, but we were happy with the games we had to play, even the bad ones. There was no rating system. No "#/10". No reviews. No opinionated criticism. We just had games, and some were better than others. The face of gaming has changed since the good ol' days. There are more games now than there ever were during the 80s and 90s. The audience in general expects more than it used to. Gamers are jaded and opinionated. No longer content with any new game that comes along, anything new has to be stellar and supernaturally impressive, lest it be confined to the annals of gaming mediocrity, tagged with a 5/10 or some such rating and reviews that list off every little detail that gamers find not to their liking.

The most important thing I learned, though, is that no one cares. I released my first game, and no one was playing it or talking about it. A new game just got released, and no one cares. These are communities full of people who are making games, and no one cares about the games anyone else makes. The audience for the games we make here are the silent lurkers who download and play them. Those who are active in the community just don't care and tend to be less than supportive.

Critical Condition

Whenever someone did play my game, the criticism started rolling in. "I don't like this about it." "I don't like that about it." It's not "my thing". I guess it's not about the games. It's all about you and what is and isn't "your thing". It's about you and what you want to see. It's about what you like and dislike. It's not about the games. It's about the community and peoples' opinions of the games. It would seem to me that there is no one who just goes with the flow, enjoying the ride. Everyone seems to have a sharply defined, critical opinion to air.

So I am caught between "no one cares" and criticism. It would seem that there's no one who's interested in playing the games and just talking about them without some form of opinionated criticism attached. What I've been looking for is "Hey, I played the game. Here's what I found. Here's what I did." To his credit, there's one person here who kind of did that (you know who you are), but he lost his momentum and never finished playing the game.

Now, I have been as guilty as anyone of being critical. But I have attempted to mend my ways and focus on the positive when I am playing someone else's work. I have been supportive of others to the point of playing games that I don't really like. I'd say it's no secret that I don't like random encounters. I played a game that is full of random encounters because it made the author happy. I set my feelings aside and focused on what's good about the game, and I gave the author good feedback about it.

I am a critical person. It's a blessing because I am able to notice blemishes. The imperfections sometimes stand out to me like sore thumbs. I am able to look at my own work with a critical eye, see the blemishes, and fix them. It's a curse because I tend to see the same types of imperfections in the works of others. But I have learned that bringing it up is often unhelpful to the author. In many cases, I would've done it differently. I would have fixed the imperfections that stand out to my eye. But the author is happy with the fruits of his labors, and it is just not helpful for me to be critical. So I set my personal feelings aside and focus on the positive.

If the game I'm playing is "not my thing", it's less than unhelpful to make the author aware of this. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that it's pointless to say what I like and dislike. Everyone's already made up his own mind about what he likes and dislikes. Mentioning it is not going to influence anyone. Just because it's "not my thing" doesn't mean I can't also have some appreciation for it. I have played many commercial games that are "not my thing".

Ergo, The Ego Trip

I have learned that my gaming tastes are in the minority. I'm afraid I am unable to provide what most gamers are looking for. It has been very humbling. I realize that many good things have been said, and I have a few fanboys who think I can do no wrong. But there are also haters who think I can do no right; and the fanboys just worsen the opinions of the haters.

I had my five minutes of fame over at the Pavilion. There were a couple fanboys singing my praises, and I found that I didn't like it. Again, it's not about the games; it's about the people. Let's not make this about me or you. Let's make it about the games. Let the games be what they are, and leave me out of it. A few people start talking about how awesome I am, my personal ego starts to take off, I don't know how to accept it gracefully, and the haters just hate me all the more. It's a downward spiral into internet oblivion. Fame sucks.

People either love or hate celebrities. The humble ones love them. The egotistical ones hate them because they're jealous of the attention celebrities get. This dynamic is magnified many fold in small communities like the Pavilion and Mag, where the "society" we interact with is much more personal. One person starts getting too much attention, and the haters start gnashing their teeth in disapproval.

The fact that we are all, for the most part, single authors, doesn't help. When people review others' games or otherwise talk about someone else's game, I repeatedly see the author's talent and game designing prowess mentioned. "[name] has created a magnificent piece of work here." "[name] did a good job on the maps and level design." "[name] put [this or that] into the game, but I didn't like it much." It seems like it's not as much about the game as it is an evaluation of the author's talent (or lack thereof). One reason why I've been wanting to collaborate and co-author is because it'll take the pressure off of me. It won't be about me anymore. Maybe... just maybe, it could be about the game.

I think that these communities are full of egos running amuck. Yet again, it's not about the games. For many, it's about satisfying the personal ego. It's about being impressive and how many people you impress. The Pavilion's reputation system encourages this. Be impressive, and those who you impress will hand out reputation points (or "merit badges"). It's a big popularity contest. A very high school-ish atmosphere.

The Pavilion's latest contest is a big ego trip. "Impress us! Show us how awesome you are!"

I didn't start working with an RPG Maker so that I could compete with others' egos. I made a game for me so that I could play it. My beginnings with RPG Maker were very humble. It was me making a game for my own personal gratification, and damned if anyone else approved. It wasn't about anything except the game.

I am not immune to the beasts of moronic behavior. Yes, I have let my ego get the best of me at times. I'm not proud of it. Yes, I have been unfriendly. I have gotten angry and gone off on a rant. I'm as given to a case of the bleeding stupids as anyone. I have said things that I am not proud of, and I have apologized for my stupidity. I point this out because even as I hand down my indictment of the RPG Maker community here, I am not perfect either. I'm one of you. I'm just like you. I make mistakes. I have tried really hard to not make any more. My goal was to be wise with my interactions with others.

But the fact remains that there is much to be desired in these communities. The fact remains that no one cares. The fact remains that egos run amuck. I saw one guy at the Pavilion admit to being an egomaniac. He wrote a guide about making field maps, admitted that he's an egomaniac, and he got nothing but applause and kudos for it. We must be in Topsy Turvy World here.

I was called a "self congratulatory egotist". It's amazing how the things I say in public can be interpreted in so many different ways. I was hanging out at the Pavilion on the development help forum. People would regularly show up with topics like "How do I make my dungeons interesting?" and "How do I make battles interesting?" People would regularly ask for advice, ideas, and help. In response, I sometimes talked about my game. "Well, here's what I tried to do. If you want to use my ideas, go ahead. If you don't find them helpful, that's okay too." And I talked a bit about my game and some of the things I did. I was genuinely trying to be helpful, but it was also a form of advertising (kill two birds with one stone; advertise my game while answering questions and trying to help and inspire others). Some guys got tired of seeing my (quoting them, not me) "self congratulatory, pat yourself on the back posts".

(Side Note: Borrowing a bit of multi-modalism from Anonymous Bo, is it really so bad for me to feel good about my accomplishments and "pat myself on the back"? As previously mentioned, no one cares. No one else is gonna do it.)

Do I have to be an egotist? Can I not just be myself without some negative label being applied to my forehead? Can my game not just be what it is without negative criticism being branded on it? Can I be happy with my accomplishments and satisfied with the fruits of my labor without someone getting annoyed and calling me names?

Honestly, I'm tired of people. I'm tired of being psychoanalyzed every time I open my mouth. I'm tired of other peoples' opinions. I'm tired of being scrutinized and criticized. I'm tired of being held under a microscope. That's how I feel in these communities. Like I am constantly being evaluated and held up to critical scrutiny. I feel like I'm on trial, and everything and anything I say can be used against me. I do not feel supported or welcome. I honestly don't feel encouraged to make my games. If anything, I feel that these communities have been more discouraging than anything else. They are both discouraging in so many ways. The Pavilion with all of its bad attitudes, and the Mag where no one cares.

I poured my heart and soul into my creations. I worked hard. I released my creation to the public. And I get grief for it from so many different angles. I get beat up on from every direction. My heart really is broken. So why bother? Why work hard and make another game just to get mediocre reviews and criticism? Why even open my mouth and speak to you when I'm gonna get psychoanalyzed for it and my actions interpreted in so many different negative ways?

Now I know that I was better off on my own back when I was making games that no one else ever saw. I was happy and content. In sharp contrast, I am very discontent and hurt in these communities.

Motivation

Since I joined the RPG Maker communities at the Mag and Pavilion, I have accomplished very little. I got some work done on my second and third games. I spent a lot of time posting at both sites. My development studio became a blog, full of self important, self indulgent nonsense. That wasn't gelling with me. I also don't like the permanent nature of these sites. I'm more comfortable posting game progress reports and stuff like that at GameFAQs where it'll all eventually purge and disappear. Most importantly, I have lost my motivation to work on my games. I want to get that motivation back, like in the good ol' days when I was programming games on my Atari computer. It is very difficult to get motivated when I am spending a great deal of time feeling hurt and jaded.

Knowledge changes everything. Now that I know what both communities are all about, I'm having difficulty caring.

Quality

The final straw that broke the camel's back for me was a comment by someone here at the Mag, where it was asserted that we're all "just amateurs" and he doesn't expect the games to be anything more than amateurish, bug-filled nonsense. I read that post in absolute incredulity. And I am officially calling BS. If you set your standards that low, you're gonna end up with a bunch of crap games filled with bugs and bad playability . The RPG Makers are perfectly capable of producing high quality games. I worked hard to get the bugs out of my game. I set out to create a polished, professional work that could rival commercial titles in quality and playability. I worked hard to make it playable and fun. Now that it's been asserted that all of the material published here is "just amateur stuff", I'm gonna have to go into my game's description and add "Polished, professional design" to it. But then people are gonna see that and think "Oh, he thinks he's the shiznit, eh. What an egomaniac." See what I'm up against here? I give up.

I had thought that everyone's goal here was to produce high quality games. My goal has never been anything less.

The Bottom Line

I can't please you. The most I am capable of doing is pleasing myself and providing games for the public to download and play. No one cares? I don't care anymore. To me, it's not about how talented I am; it's about how good the games are (seriously, when I am working on designing a map or game feature, I am not thinking about getting accolades for it; I do it because I like to see cool stuff; I guess what I've been looking for is someone who appreciates it for what it is). I don't want to be a celebrity, loved by some and hated by others. I don't want to compete with others' egos. Poor quality and bad playability? Not on my watch. I will continue to produce high quality games because I'll know the difference. Most importantly, my motivation has all but disappeared because I have been paying attention to what others have to say (and what others are not saying).

In short, I can't do this anymore.

Conclusion

So, here's what I am going to do. I am going to withdraw from both communities and make games for myself. When I have a new game ready for publication, I will submit it. But that will be the extent of my participation in these communities. The Mag and Pavilion do work for the purpose of game downloads and the dissemination of information.

The "Pirate Nut Games" forum will serve as a primary home for FAQ/Walkthroughs and game support resources.

This is goodbye and farewell. I wish all of you well. I am not leaving out of anger or spite. I bear no ill will toward anyone in either community. I am not angry. My tone of voice is calm and under control. What I am is hurt. I am leaving because of a broken heart. I'm going it alone. I intend to make games, and I will provide them when they are ready.

I have been wanting to get all of this off my chest for quite a while now. I feel better for it. I can only hope that you understand my feelings, even if you don't agree with them.

(Note: This was not posted at the Pavilion because ... frankly, I don't believe the Pavilion would receive it well or take it to heart. It would just inspire flaming.)

~*~*~

Afterthoughts

This piece was written a couple weeks ago. I have read through it many times in an effort to make sense of it. I think it's self contradictory and may leave some of you wondering "What the hell do you want from me?" All I can say is that feelings are not logical like numbers. They can't always be categorized and organized in a way that makes perfect sense. What it boils down to is comfort. I'm not comfortable with the lack of interest, the criticism, the egos, the cyber bullying, the lack of personal motivation. Leaving is the only option left to me; and yes, it will help. It won't help to promote my games, but it'll help me to produce games.

Presumably, the Pavilion was founed on the principle of providing a home for games made with the RPG Makers (and I have heard Ix say that he founded the Mag on that same principle). But when the site is dominated and owned by the jaded and cynical... when the negative and critical outnumber the friendly and optimistic... then there's a big problem. The site takes on an entirely new tone contrary to its original purpose. It's not about the games anymore. It's about everything except the games. It's about people with bad attitudes and big egos. On the same token, I think the Mag has taken on a new tone contrary to its original purpose. The tone here is one of lackadaisical apathy.

I'd like to point out that most of what I said in this essay about internet bullying, criticism, and egos applies to the Pavilion, while most of what I've said about a lack of interest and support applies to the Mag. Regardless of which site I visit, I'm left with a sour taste in my mouth. Criticism or "no one cares".

I post this with much hesitation. I don't want to step on any toes, and I do have great respect for the purpose that these sites fulfill (game publication and information). I would very much like to produce more games and publish them here (for "love of the game" and no other reason). What is going to work for me is to step back, withdraw, regain my motivation, and hopefully produce more games. It's a journey I'm going to have to undertake alone. I'm leaving so that I can come back later with more games to contribute. And if (when) I play your game, I will make an effort to show up with some supportive feedback about it.

I humbly thank you for your time.

I skimmed through the essay. Wow...just wow.

I never really got to know you, and I too, understand how you feel about both communities. I've left the community for a while in favor of other endeavors, but in the end, I always seemed to come back. I also tend to make music when stuff gets me down, and I'm blessed to say it's really safed my life in crucial situations.

Well, dude, I wish you the best of luck. Be safe.

holy mackeral thats a karr style essay.

i agree with everything you wrote.

edit: oh let me be the positive person to say that this isnt all doom and gloom. each and every person is part of the problem, and they can also be part of the solution. even if this place has taken the lazy approach, its only because its members have chosen to stop making games. take a look at the stuidos and you will no doubt find that they are bristling with new game activity, even if they are updated once a month, thats still very frequent since some dont have thousands of hours to make a game.

as for your creative nook, you have to borrow some of that jaded attitude and just push everyone back, go with what YOU want to make and be damned the rest. you are not making a game catered to each person, your making a game tailored to yourself. in the end your just sharing your creation with everyone, and people will play it and enjoy it since it has all the love and devotion put into it.

thats the problem today, people are too damn concerned with what everyone else is doing. you have to concern yourself with the most important person in your life, numero uno, you. when you get yourself strait then you can help others around you. why should you worry about the laziness of other people here? if the site isnt preforming as great as it can be then do something to help it, be the setting example so others can follow.

no one is going to pave your way with palms on the internet, its anyominity seems to exclude that. you cant go around expecting people to thank you, even if you do a job well done. hell, look at the real world, its purely the same as the internet. you just have to find confidence in yourself and believe in what you do, then those that do thank you will feel extra special. receiving thanks is like those little easter eggs in a game that you wernt looking for; rare and special.

rpg maker is an old game developing system, the more it ages the less people actually use it which means that a lot will move on from here. those who stay are the mean ones or stubborn ones, they constantly where bothering everyone else but the site has a purpose so the good ones stayed. when the site ceased to hold a purpose they simply packed up their bags and left.



when i returned to the makers i ran into some problems. i was having a hard time changing gears to rejoin the community. i am a head strong personality that likes to lead. it took me a while to regain my thick skin and take each thing people say with a grain of salt. they wear me down at times and its then that i have to step back and take a breather. the internet may suck these days but its up to you to gain control of your experience and take out of it only what you want, never let another steal your positivity away, just ignore them, thats what the internet has chosen to do in the fight against trolls.

if the community is grating you then step back from that and just focus on the rpg maker side.

We are all concerned with our own interests. If our own interests do not overlap with your interests than the best I can do is wish you luck. Good luck.