What are they ways that you would prefer to spend your time or things that you would prefer doing that you always seem to be settling for the way others want, even though yours is still possible?



For example, I have traditionally preferred going to dance clubs but my friends usually preferred going to sit-down bars so usually that is where we ended up.

Another example is that I prefer to have deep philosophical conversations about controversial subjects but most people I know prefer to talk about more polite superficial conversations about everyday events.

Lastly, I prefer to play Halo big team skirmish games that are slow and realistic, like 8 vs. 8 one-life capture the flag, whereas most people I play with prefer 2-4 player team slayer.

I've created some sort of separation: things-to-do-socially and things-to-do-for-myself. I try to balance them the best way possible. I think both things are healthy and good and should be done.

If my regular, daily real-life friends are not included in the things-I-do-for-myself category, shame. I won't stop doing things that I like just because someone else doesn't agree with it.

Yeah, but if you look at what I listed, I basically need other people to do that, especially the second and third ones, so I settle for 'close enough'. Isn't there anything that you want to do for yourself that still requires like minded others?

I say f*ck you, im doing what i want.

yep.

My point is, that if that is the case, do you have anyone to do what you want with or do you end up being alone because nobody you know is interested in doing what you want to do?

I guess I phrased the question the wrong way. It is not so much that they are insistent, but rather that they have relatively common interests with the average person, so it is hard to find others who share with your specific individual prefence.

Like in my example, most people would rather go to a sit down bar instead of a dance club, talk about the weather or pop culture instead of religion, and play team slayer instead of slow big team battle, but I wouldn't and I can't seem to find those who would.

Uhm, yes.
But if there aren't any like-minded others that you know around, then you've got to improvise something.
Ever tried looking for a different social circle that likes dance clubs and mingling with it? Or a social circle that likes to debate in big subjects? Or a realistic Halo community?
It sounds cheesy, but sometimes you don't have a choice...

As I gain experience, I find more and more that the things I do for myself, without the aid of people I know, and actually manage to succeed are the things that give me the most gratification.

@The Gnasher,

I agree with what you are saying. I need to do a little more work to make that happen, but I can make that happen moreso. The frustrating thing though is that I can name you a number of people that would rather all do the common thing (sit-down bar, non-deep conversation, team slayer) whereas I would likely have to find three different friends to accomodate what I prefer: One friend for the clubs, one for the philosophical covnersation, and one for the slow big team battle.

What is common is usual amongst a population by definition, and it is true that we all have our interests that are very common and very uncommon.

My problem is that I almost don't care anymore about my common interests (as I am sick of having done them all my life) and am almost exclusively interested in my uncommon interests.

Thanks for your response though, because I completely understand it.

So some people spend a lot of time doing things they like alone.... you never said that we couldn't choose highway. ^___^

I spend a lot of time alone but that's just because i don't really have friends. mostly i don't mind anything anyone does so don't neccessarly have this problem in everyday life type things.

@Sumisem,
You are right. I never said you couldn't choose the highway. It is weird the way I phrased the question because I am sure I phrased it that way for a reason but based on the responses Ive been getting it seems as though people are misunderstanding my question, which makes me think that actually I am the one misunderstanding my question, so I appreciate your feedback.

If you don't mind me asking, if you don't mind anything anyone else does, why don't you really have friends? It seems much easier to make friends when you don't mind what they do so much.

I had a friend who always had to have things HIS way. It burns me up when people are like that, and won't compromise to reach an agreement that makes both parties happy.

well i have some friends, i just barely ever see them... like maybe once every month or two.. otherwise because i'm not exciting to hang around with, i just tag along with whoever is doing what if they say i am allowed to come, got two settings, pesky or invisible. you can like people or be friends with people who don't do the same stuff you do... and not friends with people who do *shrug* none of it is particularily easy i don't think.

I know this problem well. And I hate being alone too. The trick is to find a friend who shares the same things you enjoy and when u feel like doing it give them a call.

Being a woman and being close with my husband. We don't always share the same hobbies. But I know if I give my friend Amy a call and stop by her house we can do the hobbies that my husband don't enjoy doing with me.

You can even join or find a club that supports the type of hobby you like and make friends threw there too.

So yeah.. Say good bye to your old friends. Make some new ones. But if u ever feel like chilling with the old friends too you will still have them.

A lot of my friends share similar interests to me- this makes sense.

But then you have to give and take, and provide compromise as no two people are THAT much alike.

Example- I like to drink a little. One friend I know well, she drinks A LOT. Two other friends dislike drinking in a manner. I'm friends with all of them. Whenever the subject comes up, I let people do what they want- things usually work out when we hang out in this environment that way.

One friend is more of a "normal" anime fan, who slightly watches anime, and has a favorite yaoi pairing. I dislike yaoi, and the whole fandom that goes with it. We're friends. How in the world? Well, she doesn't tell me explicit things about her pairing, and I introduce her to crazy anime.

One friend didn't have a DS and was perplexed when she saw me playing Phoenix Wright 2. I lent her my DS and Phoenix Wright 1, which she beat. Now, she's going to Japan next semester with my DS and my copy of Phoenix Wright 2. And is considering getting one of her own.

Yet again, another friend is a hardcore republican to an extent and I don't care. We get along fine- I accept her views and she accepts mine.

Compromise is great.

I also would note that I always accept my friends' preferences, unless I consider something to be dangerous or wreckless. An example would be if my friend who drinks a lot decided to over-indulge liquor and then attempt to walk home by herself, or even drive drunk. I couldn't accept something like that.