As some of you know.. My Uncle Eli passed on. I did not know him very well. Like a lot of my other family members. I grew up as an only child with my mom and dad. I would only see my other family members 1-5 times a year. Depending who was busy and who can make what family event. Uncle Eli I only got to see maybe 1-2 times a year. These past 4 years I did not get to see him at all because he was falling on harder times with his illness.

Aunt Ester, The wife of Eli..
I had no idea that the rest of the family did not really get along with her. I always viewed her as a sweet lady. But my family said she was always a pain in the ass. She would always try to volunteer people to do things for her. And my mom still remembers a time when, "Aunt Ester asked for SOME thanksgiving turkey to take home and she took all the meat and just left my mom with the bones." My mom likes to make after thanksgiving sandwiches. This has been a story I heard about over an over for 8 years.

My dad calls Aunt Ester "the kitchen police". In a warm loving kinda of a joking way. Aunt Ester will kick you out of your own kitchen on the holidays and take over. That and she will steal all of your empty soda bottles for profit. Honestly I find that a bit amusing. But thats not the only reasons. Thats just the things my folks talk about. And they really have no big beef with her. Its the rest of the family who's a bit more stressed with her for other things.

(Knowing now above said)
At the funeral, everyone was grouping in small chat circles. Leaving my Aunt Ester out. Every one did walk up to her to say there sorry for her loss. But they kinda left her by her self most of the time. She kept asking me to follow her around. I went to the ladies room with her a few times. And the really hard thing too.. She asked me to see Eli with her for one last time. (Now, in the Jewish faith your not really aloud to view the body. Jewish people don't get em bombed. And your dressed in a sheet with a silk neck scarf with Hebrew writings on it.) She begged that she see him. And she broke down like I knew she would. She started yelling, "This places takes you! They take all your loved ones away and you don't see them again!"

I did not get to see much. He was in the back of the Herse. I saw the top of his four head that looked pale and what he was waring. She touched him and then the "care takers" closed it right after. I knew I was there with her because no one else wanted to be there with her. And it made me angry to know that.

To the grave site we go now, (side note: I always hold my tears back. Growing up my mom always yelled at me for crying. So I try not to do it. I know that its ok and even good to cry at a funeral. But it became something embarrassing for me to show.) Aunt Ester was now standing with her son that she has not seen in over 15 years next to the plot.
Everyone took there turns putting the soil on top of the plot. Except for her son. Its a very hard thing to do. But we do it to show our respects for there beliefs. I did this soil thing 3 times now in the past 4 years. It left me thinking a lot. But when I do it I try not to think of anything. I keep my mind blank and just do the show for the respects of my family.

At the end of prayer the Rabbi asked Aunt Ester "where the Shiva was going to take place?"


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiva_(Judaism)

(They also normally have food at Shivas)

Aunt Ester replied "it will be at my home." So then the Rabbi said, Ok you all go to the house of Esters for the Shiva. (Rabbi walked back to his car and left with no good bye) Everyone then gathered, Aunt Ester said, I can't have this Shiva at my house. Its been unclean since Eli went ill. Everyone else did not want to help her with this idea. For both of my grandparents we had a Shiva. But because this was Aunt Ester no one wanted to help her.

I really don't understand how someone who's sad thinking about there dead husband is supposed to clean a home and practically throw a party
with all this on her mind. From what I told "its the rest of the family or even your neighbor's are to help aid with this."

As the "bot cat machine" and crew came in to finish the burial. Everyone was still thinking on what to do. A few people said they where going home.
One of those people was Esters son. The boy she has not seen in years.
Most of us decided to go to the diner.

At the diner I made it a point to sit right next to Aunt Ester. Then my other two Aunts sat down. TAI sat next to me. Then my mom and dad across from me. Then my two uncles and my cousin. My aunts mother was the last person to have a seat. My aunt Ro. AKA Rose. Told Aunt Ester to please move so her mother can sit with us. Now Poor Aunt Ester is sitting way at the other end of the table. I was thinking about moving to her. But then a plate of food was placed in front of me with TAI holding my hand and my mother talking to me. So.. I just stayed.

The whole point of this Shiva was lost. No one was talking to Aunt Ester. And no one was even talking about Eli. Everyone was just talking about normal day to day things.

I would think out of any time in Esters life. This should be a time that people care about her. And forget the past for a while. Aunt Ester now lives alone. And I would never want to be treated like that. I already told TAI that I plan on sending her a Sympathy gift. But I know thats not enough. I feel really bad for her. And I think my family is clucked up for not being there for her in her time of need. I thought this was very disrespectful to both Aunt Ester and Eli. That your own family is not there for you. Granted that Eli was the blood family member. But still. Its just WRONG.

Sigh..

Later that night me and TAI packed our bags and got ready to leave. I gave my folks there Birthday gifts being we could not afford to send them
or make another trip. Both of there birthdays are days apart this weekend. Anywho, Because of the type of day it was. Dad decided to talk to me about... DEATH.

He says, "yep.. Where all going to end up there one day. Who knows whats going to happen. They say that the Eskimo's use to send the elder out on the ice to die. So they don't become a problem for there family's to take care of. These terrorist are getting better at what there doing. For the first time they really made a big dent on American soil. Who knows what this world is coming to. Your getting older every year. There's no running from it. It's going to come and take us all." He said a few other different stories about this topic. I'm now doing what I hate most. Something I do all the time and what I try to get away from when I'm her at the mag. "thinking about my own death."

I got this very scary image in my head. After seeing all them grave stones with all of the family's names on them, knowing I'm going to join them in the grown one day. This is what I was thinking about as my dad was rambling about this death topic.

I went to my Uncles funeral to think about him and be there for my Aunt. Just to walk away feeling that. 1. My aunt was left alone. and 2. Now I'm feeling alone, with my own death now on my mind.

Me and TAI left at 12:30am. Got home at 4:30am. He wanted to stop for food. Then we lugged all our stuff in the house to be in bed at 5:20am.
I was very worried because TAI was starting to get very tired on the road.
He also did not get any sleep. He needed to study for his mid term. He was due in his class at 9:30am. He also needs to put in hours at his job to pay for our very late power bill. sigh..

I had a bad dream because of my chat with my dad. Thats the main reason why I avoid watching the news on TV. I had a dream I was swimming in the ocean and the waves where getting bigger and bigger then I could not hold my breath no longer and drowned. That nightmare took place a few hours ago.

Nope, I'm not doing to well today. I'm a bit shookin up.
But I hope to think about other things and forget about that.

Sigh.......I'm sorry about your loss KK, and I know families can sometimes be a little hard to understand, especially if they don't share the same point of views as you. I agree that everyone was pretty heartless to your Aunt Ester, it's so sad that it happened that way.

I try not to think about death too much, because it basically scares the hell out of me. I also tell myself that the people that die are the lucky one's, that they don't have to worry or feel pain anymore......but in the end, I'm always scared to die, even though sometimes I act like I could gladly welcome it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, death IS scary, but, just like your dad said(as blunt as he was )"it happens to all of us one day."

Please don't stress about it, we will all get that vacation we deserve one day, until then, just take each day as it comes, and don't over-think this kind of stuff, in the long run, you'll be fine, cheer up. I'll send out a prayer for Eli AND Ester. Don't stress on it! Just take each day as it comes.

There's not much we can do here for you but talk. Which I don't find a bad thing at all. If you want, drop me a PM... I'd be glad to talk.

I hope you are feeling better.

I could go on for pages about tradition, death, and relationships, but I’ll try to sum it up as follows.

From what you wrote, it seems that Ester did not get along much with others. There really wouldn’t be any reason to expect it to be different on this given day (Family).

But many people believe that you are supposed to act different. She is ‘supposed’ to have the Shiva and you all ‘supposed’ to support her (Tradition).

It seems that the reality of the matter betrayed itself because people are simply social animals. If they cared more about either her or the tradition you would have seen something different.

I don’t think that you need feel especially sorry for her. It is not that she doesn’t deserve better, but more so that you are probably more bothered by what you witnessed than she is bothered by what she experienced.

When I say that, I mean because ultimately this day was no different than any other in her life with respect to her family, other than your uncle.

The key to living with all this IS to face the idea that we are going to pass away (Death). That way you have cause to truly evaluate how bad you feel for your aunt. She is still alive, and you still have time to have a relationship with her. You may forget that if you don’t embrace that we all will die someday.

It’s not that life should be spent dwelling on or fearing death, but rather REALIZING what that makes our life mean.

Someone who knows they do not have forever can properly evaluate what is really important to them.

Maybe your family never realized how important your aunt is to them because they always thought there would be more time.

Maybe they have realized that she simply is not that important to them because they have realized that have limited time to relate to others.

The question you need to ask yourself is how do you feel about her and what if anything are you going to make sure you do about it?

I hope you are feeling better.

Thx. I do agree with what you said. Maybe too being that Eli is gone, the family don't see her as a family member anymore.

Just some woman who is no longer with our Uncle Eli. I can see Ester being gone from all contacts in the near future. There's now nothing keeping her to my family no longer. Is she still my aunt by law? I don't think so. "Until death do you part."
It's just sad.

Well this just makes me mad.

How you think I feel. Its in my life. Sigh. Well. I will be calling her soon to see hows shes doing.

Get over it.

Kittykicker, you don't need to get over it (yet) and if Stythe doesn't like it she (he) can get over it.

You know who I am.
Or maybe you've forgotten.

You're apparently a replacement for Shadowfox.

lol. I'm not that bummed out about this topic anymore.

But I still think its messed up.

Honestly... I think most of the things that come out of lones mouth is funny. So he don't really bother me. Hes like a Deulpro gone emo.

See, she got over it.

Life is now good.


And I was the original. I was like this before KA had a complete personality 180, and before Duelpro even existed at the mag.

This is probably not the place, but hey, I have to ask: KA was once the opposite of what he is/was?!

Heh.

I'm in awe over your post count alone!

I'm also scared to see your skills on DDR, I consider myself pretty damn good, but I am no where near the skill of the arcade style(ouch, you have to stomp sooooo HARD!)

KA used to be hyper and spammy and hardly gave a crap about rules and made a lot of off-the-wall sexuality jokes.

Then he.. completely changed.

Leviathan: Go to youtube and look up "One More Lovely ITG", "Return of Salieri ITG".. or anything really of the following: Uber Rave, Air, Strangeprogram, Flower Forever, Holy Orders.. etc. Make sure to add "ITG" to everything you search for.

That's the kind of stuff I do on foot.

everyone changes. Death is another change aswell.

Ugh!!! I have been utterly defeated!

Gosh I've got a ton of "training" to do.

Ugh....feet like lightning.......I'm so jealous.

*skills*

"DEATH, YOU ARE MY TRUE B*TCH LOVER"
Said the maggot to the porpoise as he used the sea for covers.

I am clucking pissed that people are mocking this topic. This
is about me and my clucking family. Maybe you don't have the balls to talk about your life to people. Because you don't want to be judged. So that means its ok for you to laugh at other peoples shiz?

CLUCK OFF!
And someone please lock this topic.