Do you wanna know what I am? I am a sign of defeat for childhood. Unless you get to know me. I am an end to all parties and the sobering effects of adulthood. Unless you get to know me. Childhood is when innocence reigns and we are easily forgiven for mistakes we make. Adulthood is when logic reigns and we are easily punished for the mistakes we make. Here we find the dilemma mentioned by Schroedinger, when does one thing become another? This is no hard-pressed moment that you can point to and say: "Well, damn, that's where I became an adult." If you can do that, I'm sorry but you're life is very dull, very sad or perhaps even a combination of the two. This is like evolution baby. You evolve into an adult, gradually.
There are many things that turn you into an adult, but you're still a child in some aspects. Hell, once you're an adult you can define what that means. I will ALWAYS be a kid at heart, but I will strive to be an adult in my actions. I love to make up elaborate imaginary things in my head, I call it writing though. I also STILL love to play video games. As long as I'm deriving marginal utility from them, I will partake in them. Drinking is nice, in moderation. Using it to drown out any memory from your past is ignorant and childish. Childish....is that such a bad word? Not really, but there are so many things we've attached to it to make it bad. I'm childish, but I'm mature about it. There's a time and a place for being a kid. I honestly don't know how to refer to myself on the phone these days. "Hell, I'm the young gentleman from the other day." Young man? Kid? Teenager? Young adult? Older child? Young teen? Old teen? Bastard? I've no idea. I've decided today that I will use, young gentleman. May as well state what I wish to be and hope that it is what I am. Oh yes, back to the subject of me being the proverbial party pooper. I am apparently the death of everything that irresponsible teens hold dear. Why? Because there is a choice to be made between apathy and responsibility and I understand the fear of responsibility. If you believe you'll fail or let someone down or not be good enough, I have found this to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Apathy though, there are few things I hate in this world, but that is truly one of them. I DON'T CARE. Well if you don't, why should anyone else? It's a poison and it will choke the air out of you and everyone else around you. But wait, you don't care. I'm sorry that seemed to slip my mind for a bit. Apathy gets you nowhere in life. I know of a 54 year old man who loves to show kids in his class Karate. He loves to go bike riding and he loves to make jokes. He's afraid to offend people though. I can't say I don't blame him, but at times toes must be stepped on. Creative destruction after-all. My point being, he is that old and he STILL HAS FUN. He is mature and knows when and where to act like a kid. If you cling so tightly to childhood you will smother it and it will ultimately die in your arms. If you let go, it's not going to run away from you either. It's like an old friend, as long as you keep in touch your bonds will stay strong. I'm on my way up in the world and I will not use anyone as a ladder on the way up either. I will stop and invite everyone to walk with me. No reason for me to be greedy and share the wealth at the top. I understand some people don't want to go up. I also think some people make bad choices and stay complacent with their place in life. People deserve to be happier than they are. Some often at times pull wool over their eyes and don't realize how miserable they are. Or worse yet, they know damn well how miserable they are and they lie to themselves or drown out their misery with some escape device. It's still there though. Ignoring an elephant in the corner of the room won't make it go away. Party as much as you want, party as hard as you can handle, and party as often as you can. Just know that there is a time and a place for partying. Know that you have to sober up from the intoxication of childhood and go to work the next morning. Why not come with me upwards in life and be happier? College isn't where fun goes to die. It's where fun often at times goes into remission, but it never dies. It only rises up with tenfold power afterwards. Please, I'd like for you to honestly give me as many reasons as you can think of for why you shouldn't follow me up the mountain. I am not as empathizing to your plight as I want to be. Let me get to know you. That way I won't be the killer of childhood or the slayer of fun. I'll just be the facilitator of happiness. Your happiness.

Why do you care that apathy is killing us. We are already sentenced to death. The only thing one can do is whatever they want until they die.

One reason not to follow you up the mountain is because there is probably nothing up there you can't get down here and regarding the journey, you've done nothing to persuade us that becoming escapes death any more than being.

We are all children to our day of death. That is why everyone keeps playing make believe.

I care because it is killing you faster. We're all gonna die someday, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy your life now and make your life better. Or even if you don't make your life better, that doesn't mean you can't make life better for those who come after you. Sadly some people's lives are nothing more than lessons for those that come after. Don't be a lesson, be a doer. I'm not saying follow me, I'm saying walk with me. You can guide me to where I need to be just as much as I can guide you. Do you need persuasion? I can't give you that enough to feel satiated in my soul. I'm just going to live my life how I think it should be lived. I drink and smoke weed and do drugs, but I do so in moderation. I don't live my life for the weekend, I live my life so that others can be happier. You can be happy drinking and partying all the time, I never said that you couldn't. But if you're doing it to forget or not remember, there is nothing healthy about that. I am a child of progress. Perhaps not progress for me ultimately, but at least for those after me.

You do understand the concepts of "I could live to a hundred if I gave up everything that made me want to live to be a hundred" and "to each their own", right?

I am walking with you, at least right now because I enjoy it, because it is making my life better, and because it may be making your life better and those after us better, but in the end there is really no reason for us to walk together. For others, there is no reason now.

You said, "I'm just going to live my life how I think it should be lived."

I repeat, "to each their own." Don't get me wrong, I understand that most people's lives are about modifying others, so you are not doing anything unusual here. You want them to play make believe with you. I understand that.

I'm not sure what is 'healthy' but I invite you to consider that you are doing what you are doing to NOT REMEMBER that everyone has their own life, and that everyone is going to die, and that their is no reason to progress for future generations, because they are all going to die too.

In other words it is 'healthy' to do whatever makes you happy.

Altoecko,

For God's sake, man! ... Umm, okay, that's not quite true. God likely
doesn't have any difficulty reading what you wrote. Okay, let's start over.

Altoecko,

For my sake, man! Write with paragraphs! Do you realize how irritating it
is to read and scroll down an endless wall of text? Break up your thoughts
into paragraphs. At the very least, keep track of what you're writing and
insert a line break once in a while.

I'm serious. I have a hangover just from sloshing my way through that
wall of text, and I really can't remember what the point was. Something
about apathy being bad, I think. And you don't like to party. Or
something.

Paragraphs. Use 'em. It's so easy a cave man could do it.

Sorry, it was just a stream of thought sort of thing Crythania.

I fully agree with you about the to each their own Bo. I'm just trying to help show a different perspective to the people who have trapped themselves in a quagmire of self-defeating parties. I have more than a few friends who do nothing but party till they can't remember anything. They only do it because they don't want to deal with their problems. So they just get drunk and high and don't care what they do. I am not an egoist by any means, but I see the logic behind it. I believe in Altruism. My life I live for others. I need very few things to validate me. I view my happiness as inferior to the happiness of those I love. For instance, I would be MUCH happier if I still went out with one of my ex-girlfriends, but she wouldn't so I let her go. I miss her greatly, but oh well she's happy. I get some pleasure from her being happy, but not as much as I would have gotten were I with her. I'm willing to make sacrifices for others. I will sacrifice people liking me, if it means they will better their lives. I hate to be preached to though, so I don't preach. Most of the time I just suggest and offer my help. If they don't want my help, then they can just say no and I'll stop. I hate to force anything on anyone.

@Altoecko
First, i can't type without paragraphs, but I kinda like that your thoughts are like a pure stream. I can see Crythania's point because it can be difficult to keep your place, but I would say you gotta do what you gotta do.

I'm confused. You say that you're happpy for your Ex, but you would be happier if the girl was still with you. I assume that if she wanted to be with you she would, so it really sounds like your happiness is more based on what you want than what she wants. If what you said was true it seems as though you would be happier that she is not with you because SHE is happier not to be with you.

I know that you are very selfless and well tempered so when I say to each their own, I'm not saying you don't understand that per se. I am trying to make the point that either their ability to not care may not be as self-defeating as you think when THEY are the self or that your concern for them and the love of others may be self-defeating for YOURself.

My own personal happiness would be MUCH higher if she was with me, but her happiness is more important to me so I dumped her. She wants to be with me, but I'm detrimental for her. She gives up who she is and does not try and live her life when she's with me, she just lives to make me happier. She's happier now without me because she has made herself better and learned who she is better. Now someday she'll find someone better suited for her and make them happier, which will make her happier by doing such.

You seem to be biased toward purpose and against meaning.

Please elaborate for me?

This girl means something to you right now. You mean something to her.

So rather than be happy together, you have a greater purpose in mind for her. You say that she is not being herself by trying to make you happy.

But if that is who she is than she IS being herself unless her SELF is not about what is meaningful to her but rather what purpose she is supposed to fulfill to YOU.

The same applies to you.

You want to be with her.
You don't want to be with her. (because she is not being herself).

So apparently the more purposeful choice is the one that you prefer. Even though it would mean everything to you that she is with you and YOU COULD HAVE THAT.

Unless what is meaningful to you is that your IDEA of her is with you.

Not actually her.

I fell in love with a different girl than who she became in our relationship, she turned right back into that girl when I broke up with her. It was obvious to me at the time that she was giving up herself to make me happy, but I realized it was making her sad. Which while she was making me happy in all other aspects, her sadness made me unhappy. But she wanted to be with me even after I broke up with her.

So weren't you actually breaking up with her because you were unhappy too (because of her sadness)?

Her sadness didn't not affect my happiness too much, which did perplex me. She really did do everything to make me happy. You're probably right in what you've been saying, but I did what I did for her, not me. Do you happen to have an AIM name? ImmaterialBeau is my SN if you do.

Sorry, but I don't have anything like AIM or chat set up. I'm thinking that I'm going to look into that though.

If you really did it for her and not you, then why didn't you respect at the time that it was meaningful for her to be herself then, which was happy by being unhappy (sad) in the same way that it is meaningful for you now to be happy to be unhappy so that she can be what you want her to be.

Good thing I have a decent grasp on the English language, that question was a big knot. Because her happiness means more to me. I wish I could give an elaborate answer, but it really just boils down to that. I don't think my happiness is worth near as much as hers in the grand scheme of things.

But she was happy to be sad.

No?

No, she was sad, but viewed my happiness as more valuable than hers. The same choice she made for me, I made for her. I'm not sad now, I still love her though. She's happier now and doesn't want to be with me in the least bit. I'd still love to be with her, but I made a choice and I still have confidence in said choice.

I see what you are saying.

OK....I might have come late to all of this.....and while I read the first post (I'm more than willingly to walk with you up the mountain Alto), it looks like this thread has turn to your past relationship instead.

You said that she wasn't the person you fell in love with when you to were in a relationship. And you said she reverted back to who she used to be when you broke up. But you still want her and she still wants you......So. While I'm walking with you up this long mountain, this is what I have to say. Analyze the situation. Find the causes. Find the effects. Figure out a compromise, and try again. Life and love is trial and error. Relationships are constant work. Something went wrong with you two, so you stepped back to fix the situation. Well, observe from afar, and find a solution to the problem that involves the two of you being together.

And at the original argument. Yes "to each his own." But at the same time, why can't we learn that that we can still support others while we do are own thing. I don't agree with many of my friends on many things. But I support them in their lives and they in mine. Just because you go your own way doesn't mean you have to live in apathy.