Ok, so I have to do a little rant. Yes, it's drama filled and it's long, but I have to say something before I do something stupid. Like suicide.

So, me and my friends made this story, the Ultimate Story. I got the nifty idea to make an rpg out of it, called Usuru. Everyone knows that.

What my problem is, is that my friends are growing farther and farther away. They don't seem to care like friends should. One friend got married at 18 like an idiot and flew off to Germany. One won't respond to my phone calls or call me back. And all this time I've been making this rpg game that was about us.

I can understand some resentment towards me, because back in high school, I wasn't a nice person. I was sick of people picking on me and the school system, so I turned into a jackass towards everyone. Think Kratos Auron and you've got a pretty good idea what I was like. After high school and going to college, my mind opened up like never before and I realized how stupid I was acting. I still act up every now and then, but I'm mostly who I was: a gentle, caring person.

But I haven't been able to prove how I've turned around my ways, so they likely still think I'm a bastard. So, here I am friendless, beating myself up every night.

As for the game, I haven't even enjoyed making the damn thing. It took a lot of time and as a whole, I'm not happy or proud of it. It's so close to the original material it has all the bad with the good, and I haven't allowed myself the creative breathing space I need. And what I came to realize is this:

I've been making a game my friends would have liked. Not me. I hate the damn thing. And seeing as how my friends have deserted me, they won't be around to play it.

I suppose if anything, I'm unsure what to do next. The one thing I'm not sure about at all is the game I've made. It's nearly complete, and I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to release it, because it would be representing my work, and it's absolutely nothing like my work

Well, if you make it and post it, maybe at some point down the line they'll decide to play it even if not right now, and even if they don't tell you about it.

Maybe just take a break from Usuru and try working on a new game you will enjoy creating. Later, if your mood changes, you can go back to working on it...that is if you have the memory card space to do that.

Gee, thanks. My reputation has floated far and wide.

Sometimes I wish I would've done the same. I wouldn't have to worry about losing friends, as I don't (and didn't) have any to begin with. 'Cept for one or two dudes, maybe.

But that is the reason why I became quiet (and wound up being voted "quietest guy in school" in high school; and being quiet was supposed to keep people from noticing me). And is probably the reason I am friendless, now. Not like I care, though. More free time for me, and online gaming is proving useful for those times where I need someone to play with.

But I still got picked on, and I would've loved nothing more than to slap the jackarse's faces into the floor.

And anyone you get close to just ends up burning you.

I don't agree with that.

There's some truth in that statement.

Can't say I've experienced that, actually.

Drop the game *shrug*
Make something you like. I don't actually play RPGMaker I know, but as far as I can understand from all you people, it's supposed to be about making games that you want to play.

friends come and go. that's the way it works - we float in and out of each others lives, each with our own centre of gravity. or something.