That's fine and dandy... really. More power too you. I may be a Christian, but I'm not going to cram anything down your throat.

And, likewise, you can't really prove to me that I will ever want to date again.

Lets say you had a habbit that you wished to stop. For sake of argument, lets say you were on a diet and didn't want to eat bacon anymore because it's bad for you. You may want the bacon, but you know the long term effects are worse than the need for it. You might go back on your diet, but you wouldn't want too. And you would morn (for better wording, lament) that fact because of the commitment you made to yourself, that has now been broken

Now, I know there are alot of diffrences between bacon and a relationship. Please don't anyone post next and say something about that. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm truly trying to do what is best for me... and trying to stay with it for as long as possible... which is what everyone should do... be it relationships, religion, or whatever...

You know what really makes me think with this whole dating thing. "Childhood trauma" I wounder how big of a role it plays with the problem of dating. I'm not sure what the percentage is of young children male or female.
To have been raped, touched, or over all learned that sex is a bad thing. I really think that the numbers are a lot bigger then we relize. It might be hard to get a nice girl or guy for that matter because some thing bad has happen to them. Something may have happend to you lantis that you would never tell. Or even the girls you been with. Maybe some thing happened to them. Some thing so deep they would never share with anyone. I don't always think that people are rotten because they just feel like being that way. I think that "Childhood trauma" can be the big key to understanding why...
Some one should do research to find out how many people out there on average suffer from childhood trauma. That results in afecting there judgment as an adult when it comes to dating.

Edit: I should also include that even sex at a young age plays a big part. But some thing also like "seeing your folks fight everynight" does not set a good mood when thinking about how your relationship might turn out.
I know 3 women that have been raped and seen there familys fight. One of the women have been raped by there own father. I'm sure I would know a lot more. But this is something that people are afrade to talk about.

Luckly, I grew up in a nice Christian home. My parent don't always get along, but hey, no relationship is perfect. I wasn't ever raped or anything, but I did date a girl who was. She told me quite some time after we started dating. That relationship continued just fine for another year and a half.

What you say may be true. But it is what we, as the current generation, have to deal with. And it doesn't matter how many lab coats study it, people are going to be raped, abused, and mental torn. It's the world we live in... and trying to foce a relationship in that kind of world is something I am not willing to do anymore. That is not said to discourage anyone, it's just my personal opinion.

That is fine. I'm just saying that it might be easyer to understand why people are the way they are if you can understand the cause. And not just put blame on your self or start thinking all people are bad/evil just because they feel like being that way. There might be a bigger reason. You have to be happy with your self. Your the only one that matters no one else. Its a shame that someone like me "NEEDS" a lover in my life. I have no idea why I get such anxiety with out someone. But I do. Its kinda hard for someone like me to relate to someone like your self or even Draygone for that matter. I think I have a habbit of pushing others into what I do because thats whats normal for me. But thats not whats normal for you or Draygone. Not needing a partner in life is some thing I can not understand. Because my own needs do not allow those thoughts to make sence.

Then you can consider yourself lucky. You have a husband... and you guys seem like a wonderful couple.

It's diffrent strokes for diffrent folks really. I know I don't have to have someone in my life for me to live. To think elsewise, I believe is silly. I mean, yeah, it can be nice... if it ever works. But to even see if it works, you have to put yourself at risk of being hurt. And I don't really care to put myself at risk like that anymore. That even may sound emo, but I can promise you that I'm about a far away as one can get from emo-ism.

It's me wanting to stay single is the same as you needing to have someone in your life. We are both doing what we think is right for ourselves.

^ Agreed, one does what one thinks is the right thing.

Single or not, you should do what makes you happy.

I'm almost depressed and totally sad because of a woman right now... But when I spend time with her, I feel wonderful.

So, I guess it's a very personal matter, and we can't say which is "right" and which is "wrong".

I wasn't trying to prove anything, really.
And besides, whether or not you wanted it wasn't my point at all, my point was that what you decide and what you do are two different things.
You're probably going to meet someone who seems worth the risk.
Whether or not you'll want to take that risk is apart from whether or not you will.

And, even though I wasn't trying to prove a point, that same point will prove or disprove itself with or without my help.

If you don't cram religion down my throat then I won't cram that relationships aren't bad for you down yours.
We'll call it a self-defense mechanism.
Heh, anyway, good luck with that.

Yeah, that'll work. Thanks.

Well, I don't consider having anxiety lucky. I wish I can be more
like you in a way. I wish that, "I don't need love or someone else
to make me happy." Its very limiting. I'm getting to learn how other
people like you don't feel the same needs as I do or a lot of other people do. But there is a lot of people like my self that feel the way I do to. So whats going to work for me is, not whats going to work for you. And the other way around.

I tried being single. I HATED it. However it was easyer to lose wight. When I'm single the only thing thats on my mind is finding someone. When I have someone, I then feel like I can relax.
Its really sad. I admit. I dated guys who I really did not like just so I would not be alone. Being alone is a very, very painful thing for me.
I know how guys feel that it hurts getting dumped or rejected. I know that feeling well. I know that feeling so well that, the only cure for healing that pain that I know is just to keep finding someone else. Being alone is not an option for me. Its the same idea that.. (If your dog dies. Get another dog.) I know everyone says. "But its not the same dog." Yes thats true. But the new dog will grow on you like the other dog did. And it will help fade the pain a lot faster then sitting there with -"NOTHING" Something is always better then nothing in my book. What ever stops the pain. If being alone from women will stop your pain thats wounderful. But I need someone to help stop mine. The heart ake is endless.

...was... it was endless.

And I'm sorry you had to go through that. I can only hope that there aren't many people with the same kind of dependancy.

I just want to point out, at least, one thing though. Having a relationship with someone you don't really care for has got to be one of the top ways of setting yourself up to get hurt.

Ah! Agreed. But what makes it hard for me to say this and for you to
have a hard time to understand.. Some times a person needs to do what
they need to for a brake from the pain. This may worry you and other men when I say this. Women like my self do this often.. Are you ready?
Date the guy you really don't like until you find the one that you do like. When the guy that you do like likes you too. Then you brake it off with guy number 1. I have done this many times.
I was not tring to hurt guy number 1. But it was a way of putting a bandage over the pain until getting to the right doctor in a way.
I admit its wrong. But the only one who truly knows how much my heart bleeds is my self. For the long time frame of finding the right person. That heart is going to bleed for a long, long time. Its the only thing that helped me. But yes, its unfair what I did.I'm sure women do it all the time as well who feel the same feelings as I do. And not all are like that.
If things where to sour with me and my husband. I will be back to doing that. But right now I'm very happy with what I have. I am not the type to brake it off with a guy when I have none on the side lines. If I can even smell that a guy is about to dump me. I start my hunt before it happens.
If it turns out that the smell was wrong. Then I drop man number 2 before the chance of love to set in. Its a program that I have. Not a good one. But it works. (not proud) Its all just avoid pain.
But being with guy number one was not a bad thing. Its good to have a
friend. Even if you know the love is not going to go no where. Some times thats all a person needs is a friend. (sigh) Yes. its very miss leading and I'm sorry.

People do not equal bandages.

unless you flay off their skin, or suchlike.

relationships are not something that become clearer under scrutiny. They change as you change, more subtly than quicksand and unpredictably. Im talking about all relationships here, the ones you have with almost everyone around you.
So talking about them just bewilders you and gives people the wrong idea. and in a years time you won't know what you were talking about.

in my humble opinion.

Your humble opinion is exactly like mine.

Well thats good to know. So what your saying is.. Nothing really matters. Its all going to be forgotten anyway.

Something like that. While I have no relationship experince, I was part of this site that I loved, part of a MMORPG. I mean, I worked with the head site guy and we had a blast. But then, the site shut down. That was set up to be like a peice of me....I've had fits of anxiety of over a year now, and have finally started to relax and understand.

When I get back on that mmorpg, no one remembers the site. It still hurts. But I'm moving on.

Yes, I realize this sounds very lame, but I don't care.

Dude, that's not lame at all. I would be very upset if I found out the Mag was shut down.... very.



Amen!

Kitty, I just want to ask you... You said you will date guy1 even if you don't like him and drop him like a stone for guy2 because you like him. You are putting guy1 in the exact same place you were in. Can you really feel good about making someone feel the same hurt that you do?

And yes. Kitty, Regal, and Skyscrapper are correct. Eventually everything will be forgotten. But that doesn't mean you should take advantage of anyone... Even if they do end up forgetting, they were still hurt. And it's never nice to hurt someone. Hence, another reason the single life is awsome.

If you can handle the single like thats good. I can't.
As far as guy number1. Guy number 1 still has room to grow if he does a good job. I never cared much about looks. I know lots of people think that looks is the number 1 thing. But its not. Ok short story:

I dated a guy named Lue back in 96. I just broke up with my boyfriend Tom. That was another story. (sigh)
Anyway. Lue was about 400pds + . He had nice eyes.
He seemed really smart so I gave him a shot. Did I like him from the start? Not really.. But I said to my self. This big guy must have problems getting a date. So he might treat me extra nice. ( I can live with that. )
It turned out he was the biggest lier I have ever knowned. He told me he belonged to the spanish mob. He would wave at random cars to pertend that he knew a lot of people. He tolded me he worked for "computer associates." Thats only one of the most hardest companys to get into and he was only 18 at the time. He also lied and said that his fathers car was his. I cought him cheating on me at the movies. He lied and said he was going fishing with his dad. I knew something was up. Most people don't go fishing at night. He was with this real hot girl. He met her off ther internet. She did not seem that happy with him. I think he sent her a fake pic of him self. I slaped him when I saw him and walked out. Being I had no one else at the time. I desided to keep seeing him. When I found my boyfriend Luis. Yes Odd same name. I left Lue. Lue got a job part time helping my mother put items on ebay for her. He ended up stealing stuff from her too. Them my mom fired him.
I spent 2 years of my life with that person. After about 3 months I was starting to like him alot. Even knowing how I felt about him from the start. Braking off with him was not easy. You might think it is. It would have been easy if I only dated him for a month or so. But that was 2 years of my life. At that point it was very hard. But he was a jerk inside and out. Bottem line. I give guy number 1 a chance. Yes I could have married him.
But it was better that I did not. I think he deserved what he got for cheating on me like that. With all the guys I done that to I have waited until the guy really f*cks me over until I just, "ride out the rest with no love to find a new guy." O yea! PS. He gave me his mothers wedding ring and said he wanted to marry me. His mother flipped when she saw it on my finger. I was shocked as well.

That falls under a diffrent catagory all together. As we have talked about in maybe 2 or 3 other forums guys/girls suck. Scum is scum, and you are lucky to run across ppl who aren't. Hence another reason to stay single.

I think I hate cheaters more thany anyone else... abusers are a tad bit worse. But that's the way everyones seems to be. You might even think someone seems really nice... till you get to know them. Then their scumness comes out. That's just another risk you will have to be able to take.

Well it does not take a guy to cheat on me for me to cheat on them. If the guy becomes " scum" even with no cheating. I start the cheating. I guess what I'm really tring to say is " If a cute guy walks my way I will not go for it. Only if guy number one is indeed a creep. But if the love is in the air with me and someone else. I would never dump for someone else at that time. No matter how hot the guy maybe walking my way. I do do amit. I start thinking about all the rotten things that the guy I'm seeing has done to see if its worth the change off. But normaly I ask my self. Is it worth the ake getting over the last one to be with this one. I am human. I will miss the other person. Normaly when things seem really good with the person I'm with already. I stick with it. Then there are people out there that will screw every hot apple that comes there way. I can't do that.