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Lantis · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 12:46 pm

A conversation with a good friend of mine. She is engaged to another good friend of mine... Who's side are you more inclined to believe?

Quote:

Arin: are you planning on being a bachelor for ever?

me: yeah, I think so
I have come to the conclusion that being alone is better than being hurt.

Arin: y?
oh. i personally disagree.

me: When you are with someone, you have to worry about the relationship. It's one more thing to have to juggle in life. You have to worrry if they are happy, then you have to worry (later in life) about bills (of wich will be alot smaller if you are by yourself). Then there ar kids (which increase bills). Then you care for your kids so much that you worry yourelf sick over their well being. Are they geting into bad habbits at school, like drugs? All of this can be avoided if you just take it solo.... so much more simpler... peaceful...

Arin: but with less love and fulfillment. what do you think it would feel like to hold a tiny newborn in your hand, look at it, and think "this is mine. she has my genes. i can teach her all of the things i liked to do as a child.." and to be able to share your life with some one you love, to have some one on your side, because even if you fight, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they love you... it'd be such a lonely life with out love.

me: ...but from where I stand, Id take lonliness over dealing with all the BS a relationship brings
Besides, I'm not lonely...
I've got friends like you and Jeremy...
And Adam
And room mate
and plenty of people in El Doardo

Arin: yeah. we are your friends.
and sometimes BS comes with relationships
and lord knows that jeremy gets on my nerves all the damned time
but i wouldn't want a life w/out him

me: Because you've become dependant on him. That's not a bad thing at all, mind you. But I've learned to lean on myself... And I have had less problems that way

Arin: if i am, it's by choice. and i COULD live without him, i just don't want too.

me: Of course, anyone could. But most don't. People believe the ONLY way they can be happy is when they have a significant other... witch is not true

Arin: no its not. but life without one would be pretty lonely, imo

me: For some people, yes, it would. But if you understand that you are not alone, then things would be fine. I love my friends more than I think I will ever love a woman.

Arin: yeah. but what about when your friends get married and/or move away?

me: I have plenty of friends. And I keep in touch with most of them. Alicia and Jeremy is a good example. They are moving to Hope in about two weeks. That's fine, I have their number, their email adress, their real adress. It's not like they are gone from my life...

Arin: true. you managed to find good friends in life.

me: And that is invalueable to me... compaired to any relationship

Arin: i guess i can understand how you do it.. i wouldn't want too, but i could.
actually i've always thought it would be fun just to randomly date instead of being committed to one person
but never had the chance.

me: lol...
yeah, but I haven't really even dates anyone as of late
not since me and my last gf broke up
But I am always up for a dinner and a movie... just nothing long term. But I'm not looking to hard, even for that.

myoky · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 12:57 pm

I agree with you. but at the end there, she agreed with you too.

Lantis · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 1:00 pm

She agrees by looking through my perspective. Her personal choise is to have a relationship.

Zombisem · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 1:39 pm

So, being the type of person you are Lantis, if someone who was one of those "Can't live without a love to depend on" people, decided that YOU and you alone were the only person they wanted to be with for the entire rest of existance and they didn't want to share you with anyone else and if they couldn't have you they would commit suicide, what would you do?

*secretly (and obviously) seeking some sort of advice*

ShadowFox1001 · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 1:48 pm

I never really found being a lone to be satisfying. I used to think that that was the best way. I wouldn't hurt myself. People couldn't hurt me. Everything would be better for me. The key thing is, that all revolves around one person. Yourself. Living a life for yourself is selfish and there could be people that depend on you, whether it be friends, your wife, your kids, anyone. Will you go out of your way to make sure that you are the only one happy and that everyone else has to do it for themselves. I find it best to spread the good will rather than keep it for yourself. Because in order ot have a lasting relationship with anyone, you need to be able to let them know that you truly love them, not using them as a convenience for yourself. I'm not sayiong you do that, not in the least bit. But I'm just saying.

Anyway, about a significant other. You'll find that over time, your perspective will change when you see all those around you get involved in something like that. You see people in relationships happy and you feel like you want the same thing. You begin to yearn for it, reach for it, in hopes that you will get it, too. But you're too reserved... and you're afraid to deal with the hard. Hardships always come through life. The question is, do you believe the BS is worth it? I tend to think so. You may not. But at some point, you may believe that it is. Love, no matter what form, is something you shouldn't go without. Friends are good, but a significant other (if the relationship is solid) will always be your support and you theirs.

That's my opinion.

Lantis · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 2:01 pm

Sumisem wrote:

So, being the type of person you are Lantis, if someone who was one of those "Can't live without a love to depend on" people, decided that YOU and you alone were the only person they wanted to be with for the entire rest of existance and they didn't want to share you with anyone else and if they couldn't have you they would commit suicide, what would you do?

That person needs help. There is only one person that I believe is worth dying for... and that's Jesus Christ. I would NEVER recomend going into a relationship because someone says they will kill themselves. There is no way you will be happy... sounds more like you are being pressured into it more than anything else.

Kratos Aurion wrote:

I never really found being a lone to be satisfying. I used to think that that was the best way. I wouldn't hurt myself. People couldn't hurt me. Everything would be better for me. The key thing is, that all revolves around one person. Yourself. Living a life for yourself is selfish and there could be people that depend on you, whether it be friends, your wife, your kids, anyone. Will you go out of your way to make sure that you are the only one happy and that everyone else has to do it for themselves. I find it best to spread the good will rather than keep it for yourself. Because in order ot have a lasting relationship with anyone, you need to be able to let them know that you truly love them, not using them as a convenience for yourself. I'm not sayiong you do that, not in the least bit. But I'm just saying.

Anyway, about a significant other. You'll find that over time, your perspective will change when you see all those around you get involved in something like that. You see people in relationships happy and you feel like you want the same thing. You begin to yearn for it, reach for it, in hopes that you will get it, too. But you're too reserved... and you're afraid to deal with the hard. Hardships always come through life. The question is, do you believe the BS is worth it? I tend to think so. You may not. But at some point, you may believe that it is. Love, no matter what form, is something you shouldn't go without. Friends are good, but a significant other (if the relationship is solid) will always be your support and you theirs.

That's my opinion.

It's not that I'm scared of a relationship. Not at all actually. It's just not what I want. I don't want to be with anyone. Not because I'm a hateful person, or because I am selfish (I know that wasn't aimed at me. No harm, no foul), or for any other reason than I prefer to keep away from a relationship out side of my friends.

I'm more happy with them, have a better time with them, and get along better with them than I would someone who I would seriously date. Also, this isn't a matter of commitment. I'm not scared to commit, either. In fact, most relationships I have been in... I have been the one dumped. When I was more than willing to commit, they've backed out.

But I am not bitter. It's just a personal prefrence to stay single.

myoky · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 2:03 pm

so basically you are a jedi?

You cannot be too connected to someone or something?

Lantis · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 2:11 pm

The exact opposite actually.

I value my friends over everything but my salvation. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for them. In fact, whenever I was devistated by one of the first GF's I was dumped by, it was a my good friend Adam who was there for me... as well as a few other.

myoky · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 2:13 pm

so you are from the sith?!

*Goes to alert everyone that lantis has joined the dark side.* :lol

But really, I see what you mean.

skyscrapper13 · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 6:57 pm

Honest opinion? I agree with her.

I've been on myself my whole life. Never did anything long-term. Ever.

And mind you, it got TOTALLY boring. Life suddenly isn't fun anymore. I have plenty of friends, very close ones, great family, and I'm not alone. I'm just single.

You know what it feels like, don't you? To be around your friends, to be around people, to actually have relations to other people. Suddenly it became... not enough. From day to night, I suddenly started to long for someone by my side.

Why? Single life gets boring. Fast.

Agentsix · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 7:29 pm

Lantis wrote:

Sumisem wrote:

So, being the type of person you are Lantis, if someone who was one of those "Can't live without a love to depend on" people, decided that YOU and you alone were the only person they wanted to be with for the entire rest of existance and they didn't want to share you with anyone else and if they couldn't have you they would commit suicide, what would you do?

That person needs help. There is only one person that I believe is worth dying for... and that's Jesus Christ. I would NEVER recomend going into a relationship because someone says they will kill themselves. There is no way you will be happy... sounds more like you are being pressured into it more than anything else.

You're right, I wouldn't go back to them. Not only because of the happiness but there wouldn't be much love for the person afterwards. But to find happiness you must go through all the trouble and pain. Its like finding a natural diamond. You must dig deep until you find that diamond you're looking for. You'll fail a couple of times but you'll get what you want at the end.

ErikaFuzzbottom · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 10:59 pm

I'll admit, I'm a loner, but sometimes long for at the very least a good friend. But, when I think about it, being a loner is probably my best option. No need to worry about what someone else wants. No need to worry about wanting that person do to something I want.

N.L.Y. · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 11:50 pm

In reality lantis you don't always get a rational say in whether or not you have a relationship.
That hardest of hearts find solvent in some soul, and the dissolution of your defences can be momentary.

One of the luxuries of being a human being is that we are never bound to our views, and serve, when all sense of will dissipates, only the whim.

I wouldn't count on you remaining a loner, really.
Stick a decent looking, intelligent, amiable guy in any kind of setting and someone is (eventually) going to notice him that he'll decide to notice back.

Agentsix · **Posted:** August 25th, 2006, 11:54 pm

Not in this society, some people just like dumb guys so they could boss them around or wimpy. Not that you're both but hey its america. You could subconciously find the right person even if you try not to. Its not like you're very strict about staying alone for the remaider of time.

skyscrapper13 · **Posted:** August 26th, 2006, 11:45 am

Draygone wrote:

I'll admit, I'm a loner, but sometimes long for at the very least a good friend. But, when I think about it, being a loner is probably my best option. No need to worry about what someone else wants. No need to worry about wanting that person do to something I want.

The thing is, with friends or a relationship partner, whenever you worry about them it's because you want to. I guess that's the definition of a good friend. If you worry about them and doesn't like it, then that person is most definetly not your friend.

ErikaFuzzbottom · **Posted:** August 26th, 2006, 12:21 pm

That's the thing. I'll worry about them because I want to, but I don't want to want to.

Kittykicker · **Posted:** August 26th, 2006, 3:20 pm

So does this mean that you want no nookie?

Lantis · **Posted:** August 26th, 2006, 10:06 pm

This has nothing to do with sex. I could care less about it... It seems to be another one of those "have to have things" to live a happy life. And that really pisses me off too.

And NLY, you do have a point. I may end up giving the getting back up on the horse. But honestly, I hope I don't. I know my views can change, but you also have to consider that they may not.

What about you? You are athiest, right? Who's to say you won't read that Bible you have (how? no one may know.) and something touch you?

It's not that I'm closed minded to a relationship, it's just a concious choise I make, that I hope, sticks.

1ce · **Posted:** August 26th, 2006, 11:19 pm

I'm a loner, and sometimes I think that's the best option. But some days I feel so empty....and I wish there were people to fill the void. Because I can't live on my own, I NEED someone, anyone to be around. When the house is empty, so am I.

Mind you, I have very little in the way of relationships.

N.L.Y. · **Posted:** August 26th, 2006, 11:25 pm

I don't make conscious choices about life-views, I let what feels right be right.

I'm not getting married, not having kids, not believing in god.

I serve the whim so that I may always worship that which is always right. If I spent time deciding how I'd like to live my life I wouldn't be living it.
My whim's strength is irrelevant, because when the next one comes I'll serve it as resolutely as I did the last one, and mourn not the dead intentions of past viewpoints.

C.S. Lewis found god amidst atheism, men find god in battle, in books, in just breathing, I suppose.
I don't deny its possibility or dread its potential, it just is.

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