In the pre-dawn moments of that August day, a low gurgling sound could be heard just outside the open window of the small abode. Being an extremely light sleeper, Peter jumped with a start and sat straight up in his bed. Not two seconds later, ...

His mother sat up next to him "Honey Don't Stop!!"

*Da Da Don Dum, and the beat goes on again*

You may ask yourself why his mother would have said something like that. First, let me explain, Peter (who was just ten) and his mother had lived through some difficult times in the last few years. Now, they shared a one-bedroom cottage just outside the village of Nerdowell. Unfortunately, they had neither the money nor the space for two beds. As we all know, young boys (and Peter was just ten) must get at least eight hours of sleep. If they don't, they'll be lethargic and lagging during the hours of the day. Peter's mother naturally wanted him to get more sleep. She begged him to not stop sleeping. She said, "My son, don't stop sleeping please. I'll make you some warm chamomile tea to help you find your dreams again." He said, "Mom I can't keep on sleeping. I heard something strange outside the window." Knowing her son's uncanny ability to hear even the faintest of sounds, Peter's mother slowly got up and walked over to investigate. Cautiously peering out down into their tiny garden, she saw it. There below her,...

there was a buttery knife sitting next to some bread. She wanted to make a sandwich but there wasn't any meat or vegetables. She packed up her things and left her house. A strange man grabbed and groped her and she.....

orgasmed. Hard. Then she demanded to know who he was. The man replied with a grin on his face and turned around to face her. "Oh my god," she exclaimed, "it's..."

the staff master. She looked at his body and said.....

"Mario!"
She then proceeded to pick up a controller and plug it into the back of his head...

He lit up and immediately started to take on World 1-1. He got through the stage and to the flagpole. But before he could touch it...

it squirted soem white stuff in his eye and he went...

deep into the cave. He was stuck in there for 5 days he immediatly jumped out of the cave into World 6-9. Mario ran into.....

Keanu Reeves, star of the Matrix and poor actor extrodinaire. Enraged, Mario leapt high into the sky... preparing to squash Reeves like a goomba. But before he could hit the ground, he was....

Blasted magnificently into the air by a fountainous eruption within Peter's homely mother's netherland, and this is why, to this day, mario hates the dutch. But recovering fast by realizing he's merely falling faster he lights up and uses a blast of radiant 'flower power' to...

give his mother that extra special touch to her high. It was then that Keanu Reeves burst through the door in a shower of bad acting, stared at them blankly, and mumbled...

I love you. Then the son came in and he Kill 'em and rob 'em and beat 'em and dump all these body parts into his trunk. Then suddenly two girls came in, their names were......

nothing like "Jill" or "Marisol." They were names which cannot merely be uttered by mortals. These two other-worldy ladies, from the land of Distant Paths had brought a small tin box whose cover had seven small sapphires and a letter etched on each. There stood Peter, our ten-year-old hero, his trunk full of body parts, unsure what to do. Suddenly, however, he remembered that he had his faded green plastic whistle. He picked up his whistle as the ladies began to open the box and...

blew it like a cheap hooker. But, however hard he huffed and puffed, the whistle made not a sound. Then from above there came a great cry. Startled, the other-worldly ladies stopped, and looked up at the noonday sky, from which came...

Galactus and the Silver Surfer. The Surfer had, like, a beach bum acent, and Galactus said he wanted to eat the world. No one wanted the world eaten, so...

He went to a anime convention in New York citiy. Mean while Michael Jackson, Bonanza Wire, and Chrssy travel to a magical place that existed in Never Ever Land. Never ever land looked like....

A horrid state of transient souls, and wretched poes. And anything your heart never needed to know was staring you sickly in the eye. Begging you to cry, daring you not to die as the horror of...

the lyrics to every song Sum 41 ever wrote pulsated in yellow light before you. Our brave travellers struggled through Never ever land, dressed in medieval garments. They fought their way to the summit of a great hill, where Michael Jackson's face unexpectedly fell off.
Then, without any warning...