So James Bond gets shot. Twice. And then falls into a lake. And then falls down a waterfall and drowns.

Okay, that was a pretty good movie. Kinda short, though, and I'm sorry to see he got killed at the end there. Well, not really. James Bond has been pretty much irrelevant since the Pierce Brosnan era.

And then the opening music video starts. Oh, there's more? And he's not dead?

Now what is this, Wile E. Coyote logic? At this point you might as well drop an anvil on someone's head because that's what you're doing. Never thought I'd see the day when James Bond meets Looney Tunes, but I guess it makes sense considering some of the crazy stuff that happened in previous Bond films.

The bad guy in this movie is a genius who can see the future. Sort of like the recent Sherlock Holmes. He sets up a bizarrely complicated Rube Goldberg machine of events so that he can... get captured!... and then escape!... so that he can assassinate M. Why not just have a guy with a sniper rifle shoot her during one of the many times when she's out in public?

Wait, let's back up a bit. I need to see if I can understand this. So Bond tracks him down using a piece of shrapnel removed from his own shoulder (from the first time he was shot). Then there's a throw-away line about the assassin dude... the guy they're looking for... he's gonna be over there at that place in two days. How do you know that? Why not send an army of agents to pick this guy up? You know, since he's got the NOC list and all that. Anyway, Bond kills this dude, then finds a poker chip or some kinda thing and cashes it in at a casino, then he meets some chick who happily leads him to the bad guy's island, but not before Bond is attacked by several dudes who try to take him out. And then Bond arrives at the island and captures Professor Moriarty.

What was Moriarty gonna do if all these events didn't play out the way he wanted them to? What if James was having a bad day and accidentally got killed by those dudes who were sent to kill him? This is as awkward as Palpatine's plot to overthrow the Republic. But it gets worse because then he has to escape and lead Bond on a chase through a bunch of tunnels, and then blow up a wall and have a train coming crashing through. How did he know that Bond was gonna catch up to him right there? Does he have explosives positioned at every conceivable place where Bond could have caught up with him? This was the most shocking part of the movie for me... because at this point my brain had turned to mush and I couldn't take any more of this spectacle of dumbassery.

So I guess James saves the day and then takes M to a haunted house so they can do Home Alone traps for the bad guys who are coming to get them. Moriarty conveniently sends a bunch of thugs in there before showing up with his helicopter, so that Bond can have access to a dozen or so machine guns. And after all that, M gets shot by one of the thugs and dies anyway.

Man, that was awful. And not the Prometheus-good type of awful. It was the other type of awful. I now have a new-found appreciation for Taken 2 and Seven Psychopaths (two so-so movies I recently saw).

You know, to me James Bond movies are the type you don't really take seriously.

So James Bond gets a pass because he's James Bond?

Mr. Grumpy don't play dat.

No one gets a free pass from Mr. Grumpy. Except when Mr. Grumpy is passing gas.

Eh, I was just saying. I'm not even a James Bond fan. I do find them ridiculous at point. So I try not to take them seriously.
But if you want to see a movie where the bad guys just shoots the good guy in the face with no long malevolant plan (quick and easy) then you might be watching the shortest movies ever.

I'm not even a Bond fan, either.

Seeing a bad guy shoot someone in the shortest movie ever isn't the point here. I don't want the bad guy to win any more than anyone else does. But I do want him to try to win in a reasonably sensible way... which would appear to be a bit too much to ask for from a movie. So I'll give you that.