Anyone growing up with the PS1 who was into RPGs or survival horror has more than likely played Parasite Eve. You look back at that game fondly as it's a rare instance of blending RPG and survival horror JUST right. All the RPG elements fit just right and the story was pretty awesome to boot. In fact, at this time, it seemed that during the SNES and PS1 era, everything that Square touched turned to gold. They were unstoppable.

Now, if you aren't familiar with Parasite Eve, I'll go over a few things. Also, I LP'd them both, so you can check that out as well: Parasite Eve 1, Parasite Eve 2.

In Parasite Eve 1, you play as Aya Brea. One of two sisters who has joined the Manhattan Police Department. Her sister, Eve ends up being the main antagonist. Eve ends up being able to control the mitochondria in a human body and actually cause people to spontaneously combust. Aya herself has powers that are also cell induced and is the only person who Eve can't affect. Aside from just causing cell combustion, she can mutate cells too, which cause all the baddies in the game. The battle in PE1 is quite RPG based. You have a time bar, and when it is full. You can attack. You also have an assortment of spells that you can learn and upgrade as you play through the game. And there's always the standard item and equipment management.

In Parasite Eve 2, Eve makes a return and causes problems outside of Manhattan. The story is still solid as all the characters you meet are quite memorable. But they did change the formula in the battle system. There's no more time bar and you can act freely, but tweaks to your item management and spells got a lot more complex and overall was a battle system that I believe to be even better than PE1. Both of these games are amazing, and the continuity between the two games fits perfectly. I'd recommend watching any of the videos in the LPs I linked to above so you can see exactly what I'm talking about as far as battle and such is concerned.


Now onto the train wreck that is Parasite Eve 3. Things immediately start off terrible as a town (I think it's Manhattan, but they never really say) gets wrecked by something. In past PE's this was the mitochondria that Eve was controlling, but this has nothing to do with here. The enemy this time are aliens from the future (I wish I was making this up). They are coming back to the past to... well... just take over really. Enter Aya. You see her as she flashes back to being in a bloody wedding dress holding a gun at Eve. Firstly, in the past two games, they were the exact same age. But in PE3, Eve is obviously MUCH younger than Aya... NOT TO MENTION ALIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! In PE3, things that happen in the past two games get negated and somehow they are happily family again... as if the first two games never happened.

Fast forward a bit and Aya wakes up to find herself not knowing anything. It is explained that she has amnesia. And Square takes this as an easy out to not explain ANYTHING. The major inconsistencies I already pointed out are never explained and never will be. So Aya (with no memory) is recruited by this anti-alien force that the humans had put together called the CTI (Counter Twisted Investigation). If you are curious what Twisted are... that's the name that the humans have given the aliens from the future. As to how the CTI operate, Aya has the ability now to "Overdive" which is going back in time... in someone's body from that time to alter events. And what's really weird is that after these missions, everyone seems to notice the change in history while still remembering the ORIGINAL history as well. I guess that's so everyone can pat Aya on the back and tell her what a good job she did. Because otherwise, no one would notice a difference.

Now, I want to break away from the story for a moment to go over some of how battle works. PE2's battle system was rather different from PE1. So you are to expect some differences in PE3, correct? Right. But just how different is it? Well, for starters... PE3 did away with magic all together. There are no spells at all. Not only that, they did away with item management as well. The only thing you ever need to do is upgrade guns and repair your only suit of armor. And what's more, the only way to get new weapons, is by doing very certain things in the game that you wouldn't be able to do without some kind of walkthrough. So right off the bat, battle is dumbed down to a mindless shooter (oh, they gave her the ability to throw grenades at least). But was saves this from being the most boring battle system in the world is the 'dive' system. Aya can freely jump from one body to another. This makes for some somewhat interesting was to go through combat. But it has flaws of it's own. You could dive into a soldier who's in the process of dying... and you'll die. Or no soldiers will spawn around your area and you are screwed because you can't get away from whatever's beating the snot out of you. And in some boss fights, you can be EASILY killed by not paying attention to how you are diving. Oh, and speaking of boss fights. This is where the biggest complaint comes into play. The boss fights in this game are CRAZY long. The boss will have a health bar over it's head. And it drains quite slowly. And it's one of those bars that have multiple bars behind it with different colors. It goes from white, to purple, to blue, to green, and once the green is gone, the boss dies. But in quite a few cases, the boss has a second wind and you have to fight it again. If you do a fight FLAWLESSLY, you'll maybe get out only spending 8 to 10 minutes in a fight. But there are times when you'll have to evade or run away to heal. (Remember, you don't have spells, the only way to heal is to run behind cover and slowly regen your health... kind of like modern day FPS games but much slower.) And if that wasn't enough, every last boss in the game has an instant death attack... actually, usually about two of them. And you ALWAYS have to be watching out for those and just pray to God that you have another soldier you can dive into. I've lost so many times not because the boss beat the tar out of me, but because there were no soldiers to dive into when you got caught by the UNAVOIDABLE death attack. That, coupled with a rather high difficulty, you'll be spending A LOT of time in boss fights. And let's not forget this is a handheld game, a device that's mostly played in small bursts at a time. Now, you do have SOME customization in battle as all weapons have upgrades. Like a bigger clip or better scope for a sniper rifle... or less recoil on a shotgun. And there's this little gene splicing thing you can do, but it doesn't really change all that much in battle. You'll maybe get a quicker heal out of something or maybe buffed defense (I absolutely LOADED up on some of those defense genes, but didn't seem to make any real difference). But yeah, that's pretty much all there is to battle. It's painfully obvious it is nothing compared to either of the originals and is VASTLY inferior to both.


But back to the story. The game, unlike PE1 and 2, is SUPER linear. You have absolutely no exploration as it's point A to point B all the way through the game. I think it would be best compared to what Final Fantasy 13 was to past FF titles. And there are literally NO puzzles at all. Not a single one. Seeing as PE1 and 2 were survival horror-esque, there was always searching for key items and solving puzzles to unlock doors and such. Not here. Not in PE3. The only thing you have is combat. There's an extremely small hub station between "missions" of diving into the past that has a file area where you can read up on things... but that is insulting in comparison to the first two. So to get things straight, you can go back in time and directly alter events that happen... but you only go back and help the military in fights that they had previously lost. You know, instead of going all the way back to whenever this sh*t started and stopping it from happening. Crono and the gag would be facepalming SO hard right now. Anyways, things happen and you get betrayed by the leader of the CTI organization (Dr. Hyde Bohr) and he destroys the machine Aya uses to travel back in time. She ends up meeting up with Maeda from Parasite Eve 1. He was a Japanese scientist who always had a crush on Aya, but was way to afraid to make any moves on her. I don't know what happened between PE1 and now, but he says some of the creepiest sh*t now. Things that you'd be IMMEDIATELY going to the police station for a restraining order for. Oh, and apparently, Aya doesn't need that machine to dive. It only allowed her to dive into the past. She, for a reason that was never explained, can still dive from person to person in current time. This makes no sense, but whatever. Let's continue. As Aya unlocks VERY SMALL portions of her memory, you find out that she was about to marry Kyle Madigan from Parasite Eve 2. And that opening scene was her wedding (at this point, you should be wondering where the hell the game gets it's name as it literally has nothing to do with anyone's birthday).

Fast forward to the end of the game. You eventually catch up with Hyde (the guy who was running the CTI) only to find out he was, in fact, ANOTHER type of alien race called "The High Ones" and that all the events that have happened in the game have BEEN happening as everything in time has been caught in a loop. And only HE remembers them reoccurring. So he's actively going to the Twisted's queen to change the course of history to get out of the loop at what he's calling "Time Zero." So inevitably, you end up fighting Hyde yourself and of course it takes 8 freaking years to kill him. Because he's GOT to have 5 different life bars and the instant death attacks. Once you beat him, you face the Twisted's queen. Who happens to be just some kind of blob. It doesn't say anything, and you just kill it and move on. You meet up with Hyde again at this supposed "Time Zero" and you fight him again. Once you beat him, you now have the ability to travel back in time again. So you overdive into the time that you've been flashing back to every so often.

So now you know pretty much everything you need to before seeing the end of the game right at Hyde's death (who Aya refers to as Chief). I have here embeded videos of the ending of the game. I could try my best to explain to you exactly what happens but I simply can not. So for the sake of my sanity please watch these so I don't try to put in words what will not make any sense at all.

(For whatever reason, the uploader of these videos mirror imaged the entire thing. That makes the subtitles kind of difficult to read... so just try to ignore than as you'll still be able to watch the ending and know exactly what happens.





Here's my attempt at the ending if you don't feel like watching:

So military come in and shoot Kyle and Aya for a reason that was never explained. After which, Hyde comes back and reveals that Eve is actually Aya. Apparently, when Aya was shot, Eve INVENTED the process of diving and dove into Aya by accident out of loving concern for her safety. That means the entire game you've been playing as Eve inside Aya's body... WTF?! Oh, and because Aya's soul was destroyed, the fragments of her soul became the Twisted. So they weren't aliens at all. But fragments of Aya Brea's soul. O_o AND on top of that, Eve's soul Aya's body was somehow melting slowly over time and somehow gave birth to Hyde's race of "The High Ones." I WISH I WAS MAKING THIS SHIZ UP!!! And apparently, if Hyde morphs with Eve, they'll somehow give birth to something that will forever destroy the Twisted. You know, which is better than going into the past (which Hyde can do) and kill Aya and Eve before they had a chance to invent the overdive which would stop the creation of the Twisted from even ever happening. OMGWTFWARRGARBLE!!! And to top off everything else, Aya isn't dead and shoots Hyde with a handgun which kills him... you know, despite the fact that in the two previous fights with him, you riddled him with literally HUNDREDS of rounds from an assault rifle.

So that's it, right? Eve is back in her own body... and Aya back in hers (also, this is the first time in the game you actually see the REAL Aya). If they were to go seek medical attention RIGHT NOW (even their friends are on the other side of the church door wanting very badly to help), they could have their wounds fixed and go on to leave a normal life. The Twisted or High Ones would never be created, Aya and Kyle would marry... and everything would be all hunky doory (well, minus the fact that none of this has anything to do with Parasite Eve 1 or 2). BUT NO! That would make sense. Instead, Aya tells Eve she needs to kill her. WHY?! WHY WHY WHY?! I don't understand! So before Eve kills Aya, they switch bodies again. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't that start the entire cycle all over again?! It would be the exact same scenario that happened before Aya went to Time Zero in the first place. But for whatever reason, this actually fixes everything. After Eve (In Aya's body) talks to Kyle) a big flash off light covers the screen. And when it fades, Aya tells Eve that she'll be watching her and now Kyle and Eve look like they are about to marry. No military this time (which their being there in the first place was never explained). So Eve plans to live out Aya's life in her body and marry Kyle.... well, if it wasn't for the fact that Kyle somehow magically knew that it was really Eve and not Aya. And the game ends with Kyle saying he is going to find eternity (WTF DOES THAT MEAN?) and wishes Eve a happy birthday (which I think is supposed to clue you in on why the game is called 3rd Birthday... but I have no f*cking clue why it would).

...

This has got to be the absolute worst game ending I've ever watched in my entire life as a gamer. At no point did anything make a bit of sense, and on top of that, it just forcefully raped the ever loving sh*t out of a series I hold to be great games. Thank you so very much Square for being the gaming juggernaut of my childhood, only to ruin everything now. Back in the 90's Square could do no wrong. And what do we have to look forward to in the future? Several Final Fantasy 13 titles and more Kingdom Hearts such as Dream Drop Distance... and I suppose whatever other series they feel like absolutely ruining besides Parasite Eve. Guys, if you want to play Square's last great game, go look for a game called Radiata Stories. But after that, just don't bother. I never would have thought there'd be a time when I'd completely give up hope for Square... but it has happened. And I have no other way to express my great disappointment.

You lie. No game could possibly have such a mind twisting ending.
But seriously, I never had any interest for the Parasite Eve series. Well, maybe a little, but I don't think I'll be trying PE3 anytime soon. Specially after this very detailed review. XD

Wait... Radiata Stories is a square game? I loved that game! You just reminded me I'd like to replay it sometime soon.

Well, like I speculated the other day to you, apparently even monuments of greatness like Square are doomed to eventually lose their grip on the ball of awesomeness someday. And perhaps that time is now.


I am glad you explained the ending yourself, because I literally could not get through the one part of it that you linked me to. IT WAS TOO FULL OF STUPID. I think you and I both have found an ending that tops both Wild Arms 3 and Nocturne and now claims the throne of absolute worst RPG ending we have ever seen. I can't stand this psychological, time-warping, alternate realities, lameass Matrix-esque storyline/dialogue BS in games and movies. None of this ever makes any clear sense and the ones responsible for writing up these kinds of storyboards are just trying to sound more deep-thinking and intelligent than they really are.

That's it. I've got to get Radiata Stories, now. I have been putting it off for years out of having small reservation, thinking somehow that it would end up being a complete waste of time, but yours and Guar's opinions are enough to convince me. Besides, after getting taken against my will on six simultaneous trains to Stupidville by witnessing this ending to PE3 and going through more of Deadly Premonition with you a couple of days ago, I need some awesome in my life soon or I FEAR I AM GOING TO BE LOST BACK TO ID. AND I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN.

Let us hope the same thing never happens with Nintendo.

Nintendo only holds the ball because of sales numbers, not because of quality products. My Wii is literally a Gamecube that also plays Zelda and Mario Wii titles only. The waggle, gimmicky, casual bullsh*t should be detested by anyone who calls themselves a real gamer. And that's not even bringing up the terrible online service and completely neglected online support for VC titles. And the only reason why that doesn't count is because I'm assuming you mean Nintendo as a game developer and not a hardware developer. The last Wii game I played was DKCR, and the waggle killed it for me. The only game that I have to look forward to is Skyward Sword... and everyone can tell right off the bat that it is going to be waggle-tastic. =(

If I had to give the ball to any single software developer, it would HAVE to go to Valve. Not only do they put out good games, they actually treat their consumers with respect and dignity. They are one of the few companies that actually seem to care about the gaming community more than their paycheck (might not be true, but it seems that way at least).

But yeah, Parasite Eve 3 is a terrible terrible game and put the last nail in the coffin in Square... at least for me anyways. Not like there's anything to look forward to anyways. Freaking Dream Drop Distance... who in their right mind would... *sigh*

DKCR wasn't Nintendo-developed, so I can't count that. Far as I'm concerned, Nintendo's still doing a good job in-house with their games. Also, I wouldn't worry about Skyward Sword. Twilight Princess on Wii was waggle-tastic, as well, but I still found it quite enjoyable.

And while I will admit Nintendo's online service sucks, it was never actually good to begin with, so they had no ball of awesomeness to lose a grip on, there.

You do have a point. Nintendo specific titles are usually on par. Though while Twilight Princes is enjoyable, I have not found a single person who's played both the Wii version and the Gamecube version and said that the Wii version was better. Myself included.

But stepping back on it all, I don't think another company (aside from maybe Sega) has fallen so far from their original awesomeness than Square.