(i.e., learning how to live by knowing what to avoid)

This is where we will explore through regular updates the very worst in this wide world.
I expect that everyone here has some experience in this matter, and therefore I expect that you will all have something to contribute.

It is for the livelihood of our fellow magonians that we must do this, and thus the livelihood of the mag itself.
We must come together and trash-talk existence if we are going to survive it.

Lesson #1:

The Douchebag


If you should find yourself in the presence of Douchebag, there is only one immediate solution: Follow him into the bathroom and put a knife in his dick. Preferably, spit on the knife first and say something like "In The Name of All That Is Righteous and Good, Demons, I Expunge Thee: Testosterone Plague Us No More."

First up, chilluns, read this:
http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/stra ... 9&catid=82

Alright, here's a quick breakdown of everything in this article it is in your best interest to avoid:

Cheerleaders
Mothers of Cheerleaders
Mothers of those who are not Cheerleaders
Mothers
School administrators
Puritans
Crowds of pubescents with overly straightened hair (see accompanying photos).

The fact is, folks, I've got a penis. It's a pretty spiffy penis, too. In fact, dollars to doughnuts, when I show my penis to someone they're pretty chuffed by it. Often enough, they're even so kind as to drop trou and haul out the V for me.

This is a harsh fact of life that you will one day have to accept. Penises and Vs are everywhere.
There are so many penises that if we were to take a photo of every penis, and stack them all neatly on top of each other, we could climb to heaven on them and find salvation.
And I hear-tell there's even more V in the world.
We could ride the V right into God's lap with all the p*ssy there is here.

You see where I'm going with this, don't you? Oh, good, you do. Exactly right: Americans are blasphemous.
That's right, we were a nation fostered by a blasphemous people, the Puritans. Whereas everyone else in the world is unsupportive of violence in the media on principle, and is open enough about the P and the V to not pretend they don't exist, America is exactly the opposite. When, for instance, a violent movie goes through the ratings system, it can come out with a PG-13. But the instant some sex goes on, Boom, Restricted.
Sex is something that will eventually happen in your everyday life, whereas violence is something that we should presumably think would not (unless you're Muslim, then just invert it (ooooo the ethnic joke)).
That statement is pretty much self-explanatory at this point, I should think.

Does this mean the secret to God is nudity? No. But it just might mean that God made some Ps, and god made some Vs, and that he's really not that ashamed about doing so.
I don't even believe in God on most days of the week and the V makes me get all religious on you people.
That's the power of it. Don't fight it. Embrace the V.

If you should encounter someone with these problems, the only curative measure you can take is to make them watch BET until they become desensitized to the booty.
If this doesn't work, call one of these: http://grinding.be/2009/02/12/chinas-de ... on-the-go/

Oh yeah,
P.S. -

Straightened Hair is f*cking boring.

And P.P.S -

Puritans were hypocrites. Just look at their pimp shoes.

You can spell out both of them you know... V-A-G-I-N-A

More things to avoid.

Psychologists, therapists and the like.

Why do all the people whose job is to understand people always fail at their job miserably?


I just came back from a trip that was a little refuge from reality, meet of the country's Biology college courses, 1000 people and 4 days of overall insanity with or without illicit substances. Penises and vaginas were everywhere.
Hey, who does Firefox spell-check vaginas? There is no plural for vagina? There is only one?

Vaginae, sir. Vaginae.

I should write 3 guides to suicidal lifestyles. Apparently these lifestyles only fit for the broke, the sadistic, criminally sane.

This little rosy-bottomed bundle of joy is Adolf Hitler. Easily one of the most adorable baby pictures I've seen of late, what's more.
What we can learn from this:

There are 6 Billion people on this planet, and most of them were adorable as babies. Most of them were thought special, important, worthy of note and consideration by parental instincts nurtured into sickly child-worship.
Here's a clue: Some babies will have to grow up to be child molesters, dictators, serial killers, rapists, muggers of old ladies, and people guilty of having sex with socks on. In fact, there's a strong statistical backbone going for the idea that even if your baby does not prove 'evil', per se, it will at least become an annoying little f*ck of a waste of space.

Let's get this straight: There are people who are the rule, and there are the exceptions. If you are reading this right now you have a good chance of being among the Rule, and you also have a good chance of thinking you are not, because in our world everyone is 'special'. Unique. New under the sun.
The only thing that's 'new' in this world are the f*cked up frogs mutated by radioactive waste into having three heads. You're yesterday's papers. People have been writing about what you are for the entire history of recorded thought, and chances are you're not going to prove an exception to anything.

An average human ejaculate contains about 180 million sperm (66 million/ml), but some ejaculates contain as many as 400 million sperm. That is to say: Every time you masturbate, boys, you wipe out entire civilizations, let them crust in kleenex and flush them down the drain.
On a smaller scale, reversed, having a sperm meet an egg has all the characteristics of opening a phone book, closing your eyes, and killing the first person your finger lands on.

You were born. Whoopdeefuckindo.

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Now, for a short follow-up on recent trends in the news of the world, here's the latest in a long line of foody transubstantiations:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/8071865.stm

What we must ask ourselves at this juncture, my children, is whether we even want a god who chooses food products as his primary mode of revelation.

i dunno, it's not really much adorable =/

Last post you made you wrote this unfortunate sentence: "You can spell out both of them you know... V-A-G-I-N-A"

Considering that the post of mine in question contained this sentence: "We could ride the V right into God's lap with all the vagina there is here," your track record isn't looking so good.
Therefore I'm afraid I have no choice but to conclude that Adolf Hitler was an adorable baby.

Extemporaneous lesson: Sumisem has no idea what she's talking about, generally speaking.

o.O not much of a lesson, we kind of knew that anyway. but a dolt can still hold an opinion and i don't really think he's that cute - it's the haircut.

Thank you for your wisdom, NLY.

Weed has been around longer than there have been people.

Benjamin Franklin once (or is at the very least quoted as saying) said; "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

I postulate that good ol' marijuana is more of an indicator of this statement. After all beer has to be MADE. Nug just is THERE.

And it's not like its a one trick pony either. The essential oils not only have pain killing properties, but also contain high levels of anti oxidants, and vitamins.