Site Announcements

  • Account registration restricted. Email lord.ixzion AT gmail.com and I will get you set up. Thanks.
  • RPGMM Discord Channel - https://discord.gg/YJnAfVr

  • New to the site? Let us know!! - Check here.
  • RPGM Magazine Mission Statement. - Check here.
  • We now have a forum up specifically for the races, check it out. - Check here.


[Continue]

It is currently November 26th, 2024, 4:51 am
View unanswered posts | View active topics


All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: April 22nd, 2007, 12:08 pm 
Rank 0: Magonian Apprentice
Offline
User avatar

  Level 0
 

Joined: August 3rd, 2006, 12:50 pm

Posts: 83
Rar. Feel the wrath of my english stories. You'll notice that they skip numbering. Why? Because I hate some of them. }:3
All comments welcome, ESPECIALLY tips on how to improve. I need those.

Prompt: “Once, when no one was looking….â€


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: April 23rd, 2007, 7:42 am 
Rank 12: Headstrong Fighter Rank 12: Headstrong Fighter
Statistical Magus
Offline
User avatar

  Level 0
 

Joined: May 29th, 2005, 1:21 pm

Posts: 8403

Location: UK, CA too sometimes.
heh... this, i liked.

i read it with the intention of trying to find points of improvement. these were surprisingly few.

if you're looking for points to exploit and possibly lengthen the story, well hell, they're everywhere. we've got a kid who practises occult rituals, presumably goes to school, there's a small supporting cast of characters who are, while developed enough in the story as it is, still in possession of great wells of further potential character development.

there's a lot of exploitable room, but i suppose that was already obvious.

the events were clearly described, in a readable way. it was friendly and the way you told the story contained a fair amount of humour. it was meant to be a little bit surreal, and it was. *shrug* all fine, right?

... the ending. i thought it was a good ending and i liked it. but something about the way the character was saved by a fairly blatant deus ex machina rankled a little bit with me. there's nothing wrong with it, it's a fairly common literary tradition and he had to be saved somehow. but in that situation, i would most likely just die pathetically, rather than have the uberbrainstorm of a lifetime and solve the problem of the apparently malevolent imp. but like i said, it was ok.

i enjoyed reading it. it was original, readable, and in some respects a longer or more involved story might've run the risk of becoming less original and readable. though tbh i think you would've been ok with it.

... yeah. i haven't exactly offered much, have i? >_<

but i read, and i enjoyed. so thanks.... and yeah, post up #5 sometime.

-John


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: April 23rd, 2007, 12:26 pm 
Rank 0: Magonian Apprentice
Statistical Magus
Offline
User avatar

  Level 0
 

Joined: August 3rd, 2006, 12:50 pm

Posts: 83
6 is coming before 5 because I'm at school and #6 is't at home while #5 is.

Prompt 6: Ten Minutes

Like the set of a horror movie, Eric woke up in an unknown room, with padded walls and a clock with 10:00 on the face. “What the…it’s been three hours? What happened?â€


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: August 13th, 2007, 1:25 am 
Rank 0: Magonian Apprentice
Statistical Magus
Offline
User avatar

  Level 0
 

Joined: August 3rd, 2006, 12:50 pm

Posts: 83
4 MONTH BUMP
muhahahaha


Top
Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 9 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group