Me: Is there any way to get more upload speed?
Me: Because under 1Mbps is pretty low
Louis: I'm sorry, that is always 1/8 of the download speed.
Louis: As very low amount of upload data is required to send.
Me: If that's the case, why isn't my upload rate 1.25Mbps?
Louis: Most of the time everyone like to download.
Louis: At the time when we are testing we are connected and may be some other webpages are open and they will also take the speed from the same pie.
Me: I'm not doing anything that I haven't been doing on a regular basis.
Me: I am not currently uploading, but when I test, I'm not hitting over 1Mbps.
Louis: If you are getting above 0.3 then its within the package limits.
Louis: However, I request to reboot your modem and then test again.
Louis: You will definitely see improvement.
Me: I will definitely see improvement?
Me: How much of an improvement do you think I can expect?
Louis: Up 10 to 15 % in upload speed and ping rates.
Me: Okay, I'm willing to give it a try. If it doesn't work, can I contact you again?
Me: I trust you on this.
Louis: Okay, I will keep this case under observation for the next 24 hours.
Me: How can I contact you again after, if this doesn't work?
Louis: You can chat with us any time, we are available 24*7
Me: Yes, I understand, but you know my case history right now. I'd hate to have to start the whole process over again.
Me: I'm so sorry for being so troublesome.
Louis: I'have documented all the information to make sure that other support agent have a good understanding.
Louis: That is okay, I love my job.
Louis: I like different smiley.
Louis: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Me: I'm going to give everything a try, but if it doesn't work, can the next person help me without starting everything over?

Agent: Hello! How may I help you today?
Me: hello
Howard: Hello!
Me: internet speed
Me: account #: #########
Howard: Just to confirm, you are facing slow speed Internet. Is that correct?
Howard: Thank you for the account number?
Howard: ?*
Me: My ping is fluctuating wildly and yes, it's making it hard to play my games.
Howard: I understand.
Howard: Not to worry.
Howard: I can help you with that!
Me: That sounds great
Howard: Its my pleasure!
Howard: You are the most valuable and loyal customer of AT&T!
Howard: May I address you with your first name?
Me: Sure, Dave.
Howard: Thank you!
Howard: For your security and to ensure we protect your privacy, please verify the 4-digit passcode on your account.
Me: should be ****
Howard: Perfect! Your account is authenticated.
Me: Wonderful.
Howard: You really an intelligent person Dave!
Me: Why thank you!
Howard: Welcome!
Me: I always knew I was smart. But no one else could understand my genius!
Howard: I have understood!
Howard: Usually lot of customer will forget the passcode very soon but I guess to have a very good memory!
Me: So, about the solution to my problem?
Howard: I'm working on it!
Howard: Please give me a minute or two here while I work on your request.
Me: Sure. I'm trying to figure out how to figure out the solution to this problem while you're at it: 1/0 = ?
Howard: I will help you with the information after I fix the issue for you.
Howard: Not to worry.
Me: So how long have you been working here Howard?
Howard: Its been 3 years now!
Howard: May I have the best number to contact you in case the chat gets disconnected?
Me: It's part of my account
Howard: Alright.
Me: Are you a human being?
Howard: Yes.
Howard: I request you to perform a speed test and let me know the up seed and down speed results.
Me: I already did that
Howard: Okay.
Howard: May I know the results Dave?
Me: 151ms ping, 10.75Mbps down, 0.6Mbps up
Howard: Thank you for the information.
Me: I just want to make sure you're not a robot. Count from 1 to 10 and then type the first word that comes to mind.
Howard: I understand.
Howard: Not to worry.
Howard: I'm going to make some changes and that will bring the speed up Dave!
Me: What kind of changes are you going to make?
Howard: I'm going to change the channel number.
Me: What does that do?
Howard: We have 1- 11 channels, we change the channels to get a better speed.
Howard: I have successfully changed the channel.
Howard: I request you to perform a speed test now. Please let me know the results.
Me: ok, hold on
Howard: Sure.
Howard: Please take your time.
Howard: I see that you are subscribed to Max 12. Is that correct Dave?
Me: 157ms, 10.75 down, .57 up
Me: the ping and upload are still bad
Me: And yes, I am on that plan
Howard: Okay.
Howard: Not to worry.
Howard: I'm working on it.
Howard: I have now changed the channel to 3. Please try to check for the speeds now.
Howard: I'm sorry for making you check the speeds again and again Dave.
Me: That's okay. I've been thinking about Google Fiber.
Howard: Thank you for understanding.
Me: 105ms, 11.07 down, 0.66 up
Howard: Okay.
Howard: I'll try to change some more channels and we will check for the improvements.
Me: ok
Me: What do you think about President Obama, Howard?
Howard: According to me, he is very good president Dave!
Howard: He is doing a lot for the country!
Howard: Don't you think so?
Me: Why do you like him?
Howard: Because he is doing a lot for the country and making the country grow!
Me: Anyway, my ping is still fluctuating
Me: And my upload is still low. Please help
Howard: I have changed the channel to 10 now.
Howard: Dave, please do not worry, I will make sure you get a very good speed.
Howard: You are a valuable and loyal customer of AT&T!
Me: I would like to talk to a human being
Me: I am going to cancel my account if I can't talk to a human being.
Howard: I'm Howard. I'm from technical support.
Me: Do you want me to cancel my account?
Howard: I don't want you to cancel the account Dave!
Howard: Please give me a chance.
Howard: If you which I can arrange a call back from my supervisor.
Howard: Is that okay with you?
Me: When will the supervisor call?
Howard: You will receive the call right away.
Howard: Please give me a minute.
Me: Yes, get the supervisor, then
Howard: Sure.

Me: hello
Agent: Hello! How may I help you today?
Leah: Hi. My name is Leah. Thank you for allowing me to be your specialist today.
Me: I want to speak to Howard's supervisor
Leah: Please provide your complete name and the U-verse billing account number for us to retrieve your account.
Leah: I wish we could provide what you want however we don't have Howard here. What I can do is h ave you speak to my supervisor if you wish.
Me: Yes, have the supervisor call me
Leah: May I have the callback number?
Me: He was supposed to call me 30 minutes ago
Leah: May I have your U-verse account number so that I can retrieve your account.
Me:
Leah: My supervisor will be needing to check the notes on your account for us to better assist you.
Leah: I am now trying to retrieve an account using that information.
Leah: Can you also provide your first and last name and the best mobile number to reach you should our conversation gets disconnected?
Me: It's on my account, is it not?
Leah: We just want to make sure that we are speaking with the account holder and if we have the best number to reach you.
Leah: I have already involved my supervisor and is available to contact you.
Me: Great, then tell them to make the call.
Leah: What's the best number to reach you within five minutes?
Me: The number on my account
Leah: All right then. Give us five minutes to call you.
Leah: Thank you for choosing AT&T. Have a good one.

You may click the "X" button in the chat window to close this chat.
Me: I'd rather stay here until I get the phone call
Leah: Okay.
Me: So, did you catch the game last night?
Leah: I wish. I was working last night.
Me: Man, it was spectacular
Leah: I am sure it was.
Me: The Bourbon Bowl
Leah: My friends told me the same.
Me: Who were they rooting for?
Leah: Cleveland. What about you?
Leah: I believe you're already speaking with my supervisor. We will now close this chat so you will continue with your concern.
Leah: Have a good night and thank you for choosing AT&T.

Howard: You really an intelligent person Dave!

Dying here. Not because you're not intelligent, but because I hear it in a creepy kindergarten teacher's voice.

Me: Are you a human being?
Howard: Yes.

Wait, are robots allowed to lie to humans? The laws of robotics are ambiguous on this.

Leah: I wish we could provide what you want however we don't have Howard here. What I can do is h ave you speak to my supervisor if you wish.

And the plot thickens...

Also, do you like my different smiley?

Jay: Just verify your service address so I can assure that I got the right account.

Me: Ah, ok.

Jay: Or just provide me your account number.

Jay:

Me: my address

Me: Jay, why aren't you sweet. Emoticons.

Jay: Thank you. One moment please.

Jay: I just realized you can just provide me your account number instead of your service address that's why I put it a smiley.