New Title
Review by Valkysas.


Overview
The game creation counter is about a half hour. I don't see how this thing took that long to make.

Visual Design
Looks like he was influenced by smitpok. everything is randomly thrown around. it's a mess. not a huge mess like smitpok was, but still a mess.

Sound Design
RPG Maker's default sound effects are really the only that are heard. music never goes along with what's happening.

Story
You're a dog. your parents are not. you have to go to the store to get milk. you have to fight for the milk. oh, there is no milk. different store. fight a phoenix in a treasure chest. you're told to go kill your parents. you go kill your parents. you win, and get to see the title screen as a prize. epic.

Gameplay
Consists only of the default battle system. the first battle scarred me for life. The enemy cannot harm you, and each of your hits does an average of 54 points of damage. sound easy? no. it seems the enemy HP was maxed out. max HP is 9999. now guess how many extremely boring turns that took. yeah. and then there's three more battles. none are as long, but since the first battle was, you go into these absolutely terrified that they could take about 40 minutes or more of just pressing the X button. I have never been genuinely afraid of an RPG Maker game until this thing came along.

Final Thoughts / Score
I now know why everyone from the Mag hates Duelpro.

7.5 lethargic Spider-Men of 10.
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Wait In Line RPG
Review by Ixzion


You are Agent Mitchell Conners of United States Special Operations Command, who's on mission is to uncover an underground narcotics ring who recent reports have disclosed that they have been working on a hallucinogenic stimulant called "Wait in Line" that is 20x more addictive than heroin. You have to help Agent Conners through over a dozen levels of intricate booby traps and enemy gunfire, all while rescuing the only witness to a confirmed drug transaction, the demure, sexy Eliza Feloné. Throw in a couple of wacky sidekicks and you have the best and most action-packed RPG Maker game of all time.

Unfortunately, the game we're talking about involves waiting in line. That's it. There are different levels in it, but it's basically waiting in line.

Presentation: 6/25

This game has graphics. There is some effort show in the way of different designs for the levels. There is some variation, but each level is one screen. No music, little variation, no nothing. You are really waiting in a
line.

Features: 0/25

There are none.
There are simply no features.

Debugging: 25/25

This is perfect. What's there works perfectly. No errors.
It's perfect. That's it.

Fun: 2/25

I can say nothing.
This game is about as much fun as waiting in a real line. Actually, a real line is more fun because people are talking, you can look at the different personalities. However, this is just a static line, nothing happens, and you're just sitting there bored out of your mind. I really respect DOOR: THE GAME much more now.

Overall: 33/100(3.5)

The title of the game is what you get. It's very straight-forward, and you really can't mess with that. I "played" through 3 levels and I wanted to roll over and puke. Have fun.
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Zelda's Pie
Review by Valkysas


This game... uh, well. You fight Octoroks. and Ganon. There's really no structure to the game. This is a pain in the ass to review. I'll just sum it up by saying Duel obviously knew ahead of time that he had no chance of winning with this. It's entertaining, it's funny, but it cannot be called a good game.

Score: 4 out of 10.

Here are the games I reviewed at the Pav.










Eternal Retardia/RM1/Created by the legendary John Mora


Plot:

You play as the 15-year old hero of the Royal Guard. Beside you are three other noble fighters such as Rock, Hotty, and Eugene the mage...or wizard. I don't see the difference. Together, this party of generic RPG characters must go on various quests, leading up to the biggest plot twist of all time.

Review:

Let's get this started.

First, the plot. It's ridiculous. As the noble hero, it's your duty to...uhm...ensure...the safety of the people? Okay, forget it. In the beginning, you're given the task to kill a dragon inside a cave. I'm guessing this dragon is disturbing the peace so it's up to YOU to make sure he ceases to exist any further. After questioning the mission you find yourself recruiting Rock, the generic strong badass, Hotty, the generic hot chick, and Eugene, the mage who seems to be really smart! Well, Eugene is the only one with some grasp of intelligence because the rest of the party are dumber than fetuses, which seems to play a big role in this game. After not killing the dragon you are tasked with talking to your dad, who will also give you a mission.

This game does have some pretty good humor. Most of it is the mocking of cliche RPG elements like having to go on ridiculous fetch quests and the cliches of your party members but there are some original stuff too. For example, killing a poor old lady to obtain a pass that leads to a secret club which is revealed to be a black market for aborted fetuses. Graphic wise, the game does well. Nothing bad, nothng spectacular, just right. Music? Your run-of-the-mill RPG Maker songs, so nothing real bad there. (Except for the one song that seems to be playing constantly at a surprising fast speed.)

Battles are pretty easy but hey, you don't play an RPG for it's battles! You play for it's story and all that noise!

The score? Out of what? What? Oh, ok.

Eternal Retardia recieves an average 3 aborted fetuses out of.......5! I'm like Adam Sessler!

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Survival/RM1/Created by Lord Ixzion of the RPG Maker Magazine


Plot:

Traz Felding is a freelance detective down on his luck ever since he quit the International Biohazard Research and Combat Organization (IBRCO), on issue of shady deals between them and Ico, Inc and the death of his partner.

Accepting a job from Ico to find some evidence, Traz arrives on Mainland Island. However, he is beaten and thrown into a cell. Days later, he manages to escape. However, there seems to be no human life left, but something's definitely moving outside...


Review:

Alright, let's roll.

Well, before I actually start the review, I would like to say that I respect Ixzion and his creations. This is one of my favorite games and I await with great expectations for the release of Acre Age.

Okay, now I can start.

Survival is a survival-horror game. Boy, does Survival get this right. I found myself struggling through the spooky outdoors looking for some kind of medical item to heal. If you're low on health and without herbs, consider yourself screwed. Those demon monster things want you dead no matter what. Ixzion makes great use of the graphics and music to give the game a creepy vibe. The large outside environment branches off into other locales like a lab and a scary forest! The battles are much more entertaining especially with the game's gun system which uses items as ammo and magic as your gun. Running out of ammo during a fight can seal your fate, unless you happen to get lucky and run away. However, this game can be balls tough at times so it could be a turn off for those who get frustrated easily. But to me that just adds to the challenge. Survival is great.

Time for the part that you only wanted to see, the score.

Survival receives an excellent 4 creepy zombie girls that eat their relatives....out of 5.!