This is a game idea I came up with. It is trully unique and I believe it has pottential. I would like some usefull critisizm and a little praise if any, and I will try to develope it in the future. Thank you for reading!!!

Story Name: Gameboy

Main Character:
Name: Kriss Eann
Age: 16
Height: 5"6"
Description: Short brown hair, blue eyes. A scar on his right cheek.
Profile: Kriss becomes mixxed up in a brand new game system developed by an old man, Noxxu Nirroshi, who has spent his whole life developing this virtual game system. After being hooked up to the game system, Kriss soon finds himself in a new world, a virtual world. One he can feel, see, touch, smell, and even taste. It seemed impossible, but it was all there. He even felt like he'd die if he held his breath to long. After moving through the game, Kriss meets friends, and even a girl, Rei. He tries not to think about her though. You can't love a program, can you? After moving on he tries to take a break off the game, but realizes something, HE CAN'T LEAVE!!! A message soon appears out of thin air right before his eyes []::: Noxxu died, he had a heart attack. I am a student of his, one of the only people who knew about the game he was developing. I tried to pull you out, but somethings disabled you from leaving. The only way to exit would be the CORE program, if you can get there. I can pull you out of the game.:::[] After that, Kriss began to hunt down the CORE. Something much worse was coming though. A deadly computer virus had implanted itself in the game. It begins to terrorize everything. When Kriss gets to the CORE, he has to make a choice. Leave and let the virus destroy everything, his friends, this world, Rei, and be back home. Or, he could stay and fight, but for what, he'd die if he stayed. What would he stay for, a computerized girl, could she possibly love him, could he even be friends with a program? What would he choose?

Wow cool. When does it come out? I want to see it.

I would like more replies please, I see that quite a few people have came in to read the story but only one reply was made. (By the way, thankx kitty , I don't know, I'm still working on the storyline) I would like to know what would make my story better.
Name changes?
Different placement?
Different beginning?
Different ending?
Add something?
I would like some sort of info that would help. Feel free to share.

Moved to series and dev help.. if it's for help on game development.. makes sense right?
Sorry for the inconvinience. ^_^

Sounds like a very unique and cool idea, a bit like .HACK, out of curiosity, what RPG maker would you be using to implement this?

Yeah, we need to know what RPG maker to know just how good an idea this game is.

Conceptually, I like it, but I think it needs to be dark (almost evil), i.e. more horror and less fantasy.

Uhm... I think it's a very nice idea... just one thing...
Could you please, please take the scar off the main character? It's been done so many times before. Besides, I'm pretty sure it's hard to put a scar in someone's face in RPGM, so it wouldn't make such a difference, would it?

Hm, now for a more serious suggestion. About the virus. You can include a more consistent antagonist, perhaps the old man's rival, who came up with a virus to destroy the old man's program out of jealousy/greed/vengeance/whatever?

A really nice story for a game.