Site Announcements

  • Account registration restricted. Email lord.ixzion AT gmail.com and I will get you set up. Thanks.
  • RPGMM Discord Channel - https://discord.gg/YJnAfVr

  • New to the site? Let us know!! - Check here.
  • RPGM Magazine Mission Statement. - Check here.
  • We now have a forum up specifically for the races, check it out. - Check here.


[Continue]

It is currently December 13th, 2024, 12:36 pm
View unanswered posts | View active topics


All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 15 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: January 16th, 2010, 10:58 pm 
Rank 2: Eager White Mage Rank 2: Eager White Mage
Nobody's Coregent
Offline
User avatar

  Level 57
 

Joined: January 9th, 2010, 3:55 pm

Posts: 589

Location: California
This is a short story I wrote 4 years ago. It was deep in one of my back-up drives, and I only just remembered it yesterday while lying in bed in the emergency room (the reason I remembered it then will become apparent at the ending).

It was inspired by a dream. I tend to have very cinematic dreams with coherent stories, plots, etc. Which is really great except that every now and again I wake up before finding out how the story ends. :( I never got around to finish writing this, but my dream was complete, and the ending was fairly satisfying - to me, anyway.

EDIT: I finished the story and divided it into two parts. The second part is the ending, and it does change the tone of the overall story. It is somewhat graphic and disturbing, kind of - so don't complain that I didn't give fair warning.

So, here it is, Caedes Vitta.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Part I
His daughter convinced him to see this newly discovered painting from an anonymous artist; it had been found in the basement of a long abandoned home in the slums of New York. He didn’t have any interest in paintings but knew it was important to her; she had been the one in charge of restoring it.

“Dad, you’re going to love it! Just give it a chance”, Monica said this at her father’s exasperated sigh when he could see the crowd through foggy glass of the cab; Greg never enjoyed being around too many people, which was something he got used to after forty years in the New York City Police department. They pushed through the crowd and were let in ahead of the others since Monica was an employee; the staff had just finished setting up the exhibition of TW’s abstract paintings. The central one was kept under a black veil; it would just be a few hours before the whole world could see this painting for the first time ever.

“Wait here Dad, I have to finish up some things; don’t roll your eyes at me, I’ll be back long before the doors open… Just wait here”.

Monica disappeared through a maze of marble statues in the far hall. Greg’s eyes wandered the room; there were nearly thirty paintings, all signed “TW”. The abstract, Picasso-like illustrations were a bit unsettling. Everything in them was out of proportion and skewed, yet they were strangely beautiful; there was detail in everything. Hair was painted strand by strand, not box-like at all; eyes were full and, almost, real. The abstraction made Greg uncomfortable, but the realism was disturbing. As he looked over the black veil, his mind was filled with anxiousness; not to see what lied beneath, but to leave. “Dad!”, his daughter startled him, as he was intently focused on the dark centerpiece. A distinguished looking man was walking up by her side.

“Dad, I want you to meet my boss, Phillip Houston.”

“You must Gregory,” they both smiled and shook hands, “your daughter is one of my best; you know, she was my first choice to head the restoration of Caedes Vitta” Greg was smiling, full of pride, “Oh, I’m sorry… Ahh, it’s still covered now, but you will be able to see it shortly. Your daughter does fine work.” Someone had come up behind them and whispered something to Phillip. “Nice meeting you, if you’ll excuse me” Greg gave a smiling nod and Phillip quickly glanced at Monica before he vanished behind the marble maze.

A few hours passed while Monica went around and explained the history behind each of the paintings. They were all fairly recent works; if it had not been for their unique combination of old and new artistic techniques, they would be worthless. No one knew who the artist was. The paintings had been found across the country, one at a time for the past thirty years. The most recently found painting was actually the oldest, and likely the most significant. To Greg’s immense pleasure, the doors opened and Monica stopped talking. He loved her, as any father should, but he could hardly stand the continuation of her lecture on the proper technique for removing dirt off of delicate oil painting. Monica tried her best to have a good relationship with her father, mainly since she had never known her mother. Greg never really talked about her either; saying no more than it was a long time ago.

The aristocrats were let in first, though they had just arrived; slowly more and more people were let through, and then the doors closed; the first night of the exhibition was by invitation only. Greg stood by a marble column, close to the one painting everyone had been waiting to see for thirty years; Monica meandered amongst the guests, happily answering questions about that one painting, vaguely. Rarely this popular, she tried to absorb as much of it as she could.

Phillip had just stepped behind the podium and tapped his wine glass with a pen; the room was instantly quiet.

“I want to thank you all for coming tonight, and for you continued support. As you all know, TW has been gifting the art community with his paintings for decades; this night, we will unveil the earliest example of his extraordinary work ever found. We have worked hard restoring this painting to its original condition, after having been stored in such deplorable conditions for so long. I want to extend my congratulations to Ms. Monica Whitman for expertly heading the restoration project; and, I present to you,” Greg had half wanted to look away and half wanted to wait and see what was about to be uncovered; but he couldn’t pull his focus. It was as if the collective will of the entire room was forcing his gaze, “Caedes Vitta!”

Everyone let out a collective gasp and began discussing the piece immediately; Greg, however, couldn’t breath. The room grew dark, and he fell to the ground.


Part II
His head was filled with images, memories. A young couple in Central Park, fireworks, a beautiful bride with deep, expressive, green eyes. He was swept up in this cascade of thoughts and was taken to a place he desperately wanted to forget.

His partner was supposed to keep him away, restrain him, but Greg fought and pushed his way past into the dilapidated Victorian-style house. The walls were just a blur, now; the detail had faded from memory over the decades. There was crying, and screaming, it sounded as if it were coming from him, but he was looking down at himself, cut off from the world. His mind was fractured, and he couldn't focus.

There was only one clear image in his mind - a woman, draped in a blood-soaked ribbon, and a pair of deep, expressive, green eyes - glassy, lifeless.

He then found himself in the gallery, surrounded by TW's paintings. The eyes of the portraits pierced him, and he could hear them screaming in their tortured poses. A series of images flashed in his mind, and Greg knew why the paintings had made him feel uneasy when he saw them for the first time, and why they felt familiar. Women, brutalized, murdered, implements of pain and death - crime scene photos that had been circulating during his days on the police force. Now it was obvious to him: the paintings were only half of TW's legacy.

The black cloth covering Caedes Vitta swirled around him, it drew him back to the painting. The cloth enveloped his body as the painting's green eyes cried out to him, and there was only darkness for the longest time.

When Greg woke up, he was in a hospital bed, surrounded by cards and flowers. It was late in the afternoon, so he'd been unconscious for at least a day; the paper sitting on the empty chair next to the bed had "January" written in the header. Two weeks? Or more? There was a dull pain in his chest and he struggled to sort out his thoughts through the incessant beeping of the heart-rate monitor.

Looking around the room at the gifts and cards, he saw something unusual. As the sun was setting in the west, a thin band of light cut through the darkness and fell like a ribbon upon the bottom of a painting. With the sun falling low and lower, the band of light raised higher. Slowly it was revealed to Greg a strip at a time.

The beeping got faster. Then there was only a steady tone. Then silence.

Monica had her mother's eyes.

_________________
Image

Thutmose's Workshop: Making Things for RPG Maker
Kupid RPG Maker Keyboard: Live Stream


Last edited by Thutmose on January 18th, 2010, 11:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 17th, 2010, 3:52 pm 
Rank 6: Potent White Mage Rank 6: Potent White Mage
Protector of Angels!
Offline
User avatar

  Level 18
 

Joined: August 14th, 2006, 10:25 pm

Posts: 2448

Location: The Forest Relic
Quote:
It was as if the collective will of the entire room was forcing his gaze, “Caedes Vitta!”

Everyone let out a collective gasp and began discussing the piece immediately; Greg, however, couldn’t breath. The room grew dark, and he fell to the ground.




.... Dammit! Now I want to know just what "Caedes Vitta" is!

_________________
Image
... Always humbly at the service of Faerie Queen Naeya,
Sarah's Knight


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 17th, 2010, 4:38 pm 
Rank 2: Eager White Mage Rank 2: Eager White Mage
Nobody's Coregent
Offline
User avatar

  Level 57
 

Joined: January 9th, 2010, 3:55 pm

Posts: 589

Location: California
Sarah's Knight wrote:
Quote:
It was as if the collective will of the entire room was forcing his gaze, “Caedes Vitta!”

Everyone let out a collective gasp and began discussing the piece immediately; Greg, however, couldn’t breath. The room grew dark, and he fell to the ground.
.... Dammit! Now I want to know just what "Caedes Vitta" is!

Maybe I'll write up the ending. I always figured that would be the hardest part to do properly. There's a flashback, a hospital scene, and a couple other difficult elements. I really suck at dialogue, though; that's what turned me off on finishing it. >_<

_________________
Image

Thutmose's Workshop: Making Things for RPG Maker
Kupid RPG Maker Keyboard: Live Stream


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 18th, 2010, 9:03 am 
Rank 7: Learned Black Mage Rank 7: Learned Black Mage
Elf lover
Offline
User avatar

  Level 37
 

Joined: August 3rd, 2006, 5:02 pm

Posts: 2894

Location: Isla del Encanto
That was I nice I read, and made me want to know what happens next. :)
I've started a few stories, and there's always been something that turns me off on finishing too, so I know that feeling. :\

_________________
Image
ImageImage Image
ImageImage


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 18th, 2010, 9:11 am 
Rank 6: Potent White Mage Rank 6: Potent White Mage
Protector of Angels!
Offline
User avatar

  Level 18
 

Joined: August 14th, 2006, 10:25 pm

Posts: 2448

Location: The Forest Relic
Quote:
Maybe I'll write up the ending. I always figured that would be the hardest part to do properly. There's a flashback, a hospital scene, and a couple other difficult elements. I really suck at dialogue, though; that's what turned me off on finishing it. >_<


I encourage you to at least try. One known or perceived weakness should not necessarily stop you. ^_^

_________________
Image
... Always humbly at the service of Faerie Queen Naeya,
Sarah's Knight


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 18th, 2010, 7:55 pm 
Rank 2: Eager White Mage Rank 2: Eager White Mage
Nobody's Coregent
Offline
User avatar

  Level 57
 

Joined: January 9th, 2010, 3:55 pm

Posts: 589

Location: California
Thanks for the encouragement, guys. :)

_________________
Image

Thutmose's Workshop: Making Things for RPG Maker
Kupid RPG Maker Keyboard: Live Stream


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 18th, 2010, 8:22 pm 
Site Admin Site Admin
Rainbow Crash
Offline
User avatar

  Level 89
 

Joined: May 4th, 2005, 7:57 pm

Posts: 10447

Location: VA, mofo
Actually, this is a very powerful piece of writing that's cemented by the fact it ends like that. Caedes Vitta could be anything!

_________________
ImageImageImageImage


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 18th, 2010, 8:28 pm 
Rank 2: Eager White Mage Rank 2: Eager White Mage
Nobody's Coregent
Offline
User avatar

  Level 57
 

Joined: January 9th, 2010, 3:55 pm

Posts: 589

Location: California
Ixzion wrote:
Actually, this is a very powerful piece of writing that's cemented by the fact it ends like that. Caedes Vitta could be anything!

Thanks - it's always interesting to see how different people interpret fiction differently. I suppose you're right, though. Once I finish the story, the impact may be lessened (especially if I don't manage to pull-off the dialogue). Of course, once you find out what Caedes Vitta is, the mystery is gone (well, it's supplanted with another type, as the story doesn't have a hard-and-firm conclusion - i.e. the ending still leaves many unanswered questions).

I'll try to finish this up - it will probably only take five more paragraphs or so, if that. It really is a short story.

_________________
Image

Thutmose's Workshop: Making Things for RPG Maker
Kupid RPG Maker Keyboard: Live Stream


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 18th, 2010, 11:14 pm 
Rank 2: Eager White Mage Rank 2: Eager White Mage
Nobody's Coregent
Offline
User avatar

  Level 57
 

Joined: January 9th, 2010, 3:55 pm

Posts: 589

Location: California
Well, it's finished now. I decided that the dialogue was superfluous; and since it's not my strong point, there wasn't much reason to keep it.

The second part is a lot darker - and I can assure you it wasn't a pleasant dream, either. It's been a while since I've written anything like this, so I hope I'm not too rusty. But I'm fairly happy with how it turned out.

If I ever learn how to draw and do digital painting, I'd love to adapt this into a short graphic-novel format story. Well, I'm trying to learn now, but I don't have any experience drawing at all whatsoever - so progress is really slow.

Anyway - it's up there, in the spoiler labeled "Part II".

_________________
Image

Thutmose's Workshop: Making Things for RPG Maker
Kupid RPG Maker Keyboard: Live Stream


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 19th, 2010, 3:08 pm 
Rank 9: Mischievous Thief Rank 9: Mischievous Thief
Call me Bon
Offline
User avatar

  Level 22
 

Joined: May 18th, 2005, 11:48 am

Posts: 4922

Location: Petersburg
Thanks for sharing, buddy.

_________________
Image
http://www.twitter.com/MrPenrage


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 19th, 2010, 9:32 pm 
Rank 5: Nimble Thief Rank 5: Nimble Thief
Offline
User avatar

  Level 26
 

Joined: January 5th, 2007, 6:05 pm

Posts: 1941

Location: Planet: Trice, City: New Mildas
Awesome short. Very Well done.

_________________
Image
Image


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 22nd, 2010, 1:23 am 
Site Admin Site Admin
Rainbow Crash
Offline
User avatar

  Level 89
 

Joined: May 4th, 2005, 7:57 pm

Posts: 10447

Location: VA, mofo
That was another great addition to the story. But can someone explain to me, in spoiler tags, what happened in part two? I can't make sense of it.

_________________
ImageImageImageImage


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 22nd, 2010, 1:35 am 
Rank 2: Eager White Mage Rank 2: Eager White Mage
Nobody's Coregent
Offline
User avatar

  Level 57
 

Joined: January 9th, 2010, 3:55 pm

Posts: 589

Location: California
Ixzion wrote:
That was another great addition to the story. But can someone explain to me, in spoiler tags, what happened in part two? I can't make sense of it.

I kind of over did the stylizing but I'll explain:

When Greg passed out, he had a flash back - first to him and his wife's early relationship, then their marriage, then to his days on the NY police force. He and his partner were called to a crime scene, where Greg discovered his green-eyed wife murdered (this was shortly after his daughter was born). It is revealed in the flash back that Caedes Vitta is a portrait of Greg's murdered wife, painted by the killer (and implied that the sight of the painting caused Greg to have a heart attack and pass out in the gallery).

In the flashback, Greg then remembers all the crime scene photographs of the murdered women he's seen while a police officer, and realizes that they are the same as the women in the paintings. TW (the painter/killer) is a serial murderer who targets women. He brutally kills them, then paints portraits of their dead bodies - all the paintings in that gallery are of TWs victims.

Greg wakes up in the hospital, some weeks after he passed out, and sees a new painting, by TW, that is a portrait of his daughter (she has her mother's green eyes). The shock at the realization that his daughter has been killed pushes him over the edge, and his heart gives out.

_________________
Image

Thutmose's Workshop: Making Things for RPG Maker
Kupid RPG Maker Keyboard: Live Stream


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 22nd, 2010, 1:29 pm 
Site Admin Site Admin
Rainbow Crash
Offline
User avatar

  Level 89
 

Joined: May 4th, 2005, 7:57 pm

Posts: 10447

Location: VA, mofo
Oh, wow, man. That was crazy. I knew I had most of the facts down, but I couldn't pull them all together.

_________________
ImageImageImageImage


Top
Profile  
 
PostPosted: January 22nd, 2010, 8:53 pm 
Rank 2: Eager White Mage Rank 2: Eager White Mage
Nobody's Coregent
Offline
User avatar

  Level 57
 

Joined: January 9th, 2010, 3:55 pm

Posts: 589

Location: California
Ixzion wrote:
Oh, wow, man. That was crazy. I knew I had most of the facts down, but I couldn't pull them all together.

Well, it was a weird dream I had originally. So it wasn't so clear cut for me to begin with.

_________________
Image

Thutmose's Workshop: Making Things for RPG Maker
Kupid RPG Maker Keyboard: Live Stream


Top
Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 15 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group