The Write or Die Files - Take 1
Kate, I love you. I think your head is pretty. In general, I think the finest attribute you have, naturally, is your buttocks. It's supple, yes, but also not unlike a crisp morning dew settled over a cup of gelatin left out overnight. To be sure, the buttocks of lesser women have less to do with similes, and more to do with ellipses. A woman who does not inspire the wordcount inspires only the heedless vacuity of . . .

The prestige of the buttocks in the female human is to be matched only by that of the gums. Now, the gums are, to be sure, an overlooked feature, not at all popular in the world of today. But, I find that, that if when licking the gums of some precious morsel, they are not to the exact character of my textural demands, I am more likely to bite off her tongue in punishment for this blatant inadequacy. This is two hundred words, by the end of this sentence, and if I do say so myself, the words are rather hastily typed, though in an attractive fashion, nonetheless, and if these words were gums they would have a texture not at all dissimilar to the cool ejaculate of heavenly bodies. Having now attained 200 words I would like to give a shout-out to Emerson, Lake and Palmer, a rather insignificant band, known for making records that made a certain kind of sense, if you played them between the buttcheeks of a woman with warts on her hiney, and this shout-out is directly pertinent to the quality of my backrubs. Of which there are none. My back is so excrutiatingly lonely that it would find the rubs of a homeless albino protestant amenable. My wordcount applauds the clock. My wordcount mocks me. I am a failure. So long as I recognize this I may continue to type of it. The more I type of it, the more I redeem my wordcount, and therefore my penis. The penis is the metaphor, the metaphor is the wordcount. Naiya, would you like my wordcount? I think you would.

Paragraph. 2 minutes to go and I wish I had the alacrity of focus to punch you in the eye with my verbiage less rhyming please no rhythm I'm doomed i'm not even typing what I think anymore I would love it if you would suck my banana in two Freud would be laughing at me I don't even like this my wordcount is so groovy. boom. doom doom doom doom doom doom doom dom doom doom dom dom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doomm dom doom doomdoom domdpmm doom dom doom doom doom dom djooj djd d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d dd d d d d d d Suckas.

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The above 500 (sort of ) words were typed in 10 minutes time, and I know this because I typed them using Write or Die.

http://www.writeordie.drwicked.com

Write or Die is a word processor that's free online, costs 10 bucks to download. Essentially you set your parameters (desired word count, and time in which to achieve it) and you begin typing. You can set a very competitive word/time ratio, like I did, and have fun with it, or you can set a more realistic one and use it to be productive with your creative or scholastic endeavors, as you wish.

Someone showed it to me, I did that one take on the online free version, and was so immediately sold on it I shelled out 10 bucks right then and there (dude takes PayPal).

If you fail to reach the appropriate wordcount in time, your text disappears, I believe is the drift of it (though I haven't yet experienced that, come to think of it, and will test that next).
There are several settings, ranging from the meekest (having evil sounds played if you lag behind) to the meanest (having your words begin disappearing in reverse order (the Kamikaze setting)) to keep you typing. And let me tell you, there is nothing actually more inspiring to get down to business than watching your words disappear before your very eyes. It's almost a primal point of indignation and really suckerpunches you in the adrenal glands. The screen will also begin to gradually get redder and redder the longer you go without typing, and you can adjust the grace period for when the effects kick in accordingly.

Also, he's got this nifty function (currently still in beta) called Word Wars, where you link up with someone and duke it out, the progress bar of your opponent looming over your screen.

All in all? It's one of the better 10 bucks I've sent on the web, oddly enough.
I've been fooling around with it all night. I set it up, poured some drinks, and we all started taking turns at it. Then I started going solo at an 1hr/5000 words setting, which was thoroughly f*cking exhilarating. Next time around I did an 1hr/2500, and then a 1hr/1000, which I found to be the perfect range of settings (1hr/1000-2500 words) for actual productive work, depending on how relaxed or intense you need the session to be.
Anyway, dawn is here and the coffee is brewed, just thought some of you'd dig it.