... But there's really no need to explain anything beforehand. The subject description says enough. Feedback is appreciated.

just the first paragraph there, which had most of the comments of the whole thing really.

It's a sweet and lovely poem. Just not perfect grammatically, because i'm picky. In the second paragraph you had a 'whom' where there should have been a 'who'. Remember about the subject or object of a sentence. the doer of the action is who whereas if the action is being done to them they are whom. you prolly already know thati guess though >_< so i won't go into it unless you want a huge post about the intricacies of grammer.

for the rest of it, you changed subject and tense at random intervals. tense less but subject nearly every sentence. you go from talking to her to an inner monologue... which is ok really, like the whole poem doesn't need to be one way or the other. but it should be more clearly separated, you know?

so like.. you can ignore all this nitpicking if you wnat ^___^ cus it really is nitpicking. it's a very sweet and lovely poem, is the main point.

and worshipped is double p. *shrug*

...

i think your last two verses, 6 and 7, were the strongest. possibly the others had a few too many adjectives... i was trying to work out what it was that made it tricky to grasp in my mind, and i suspect that was it.

iunno. i personally didn't have any problem with what sumi refers to, your switching between subject and tense. but then i was probably taught badly.

no, wait. i'm english, it makes me automatically right or something ^_^

.. yeah. i didn't have any problem with that.

and sumisem was right. it's really a very nice poem. i think if i was forced to choose, i'd pick Mil Wind over it, but then i thought Mil Wind was really, really good. *shrug*

^_^

Sumi wrote:



Actually, no, Miss Sumi. I am glad you pointed those things out. And here I once though that I was probably one of the best writers when it came to correct grammar around here, but you have pointed out some genuine flaws. ... And you certainly were not being insulting when you did so. I would've been happy to have had you as my english teacher all throughout high school, anyday. ^_^

Besides, what really matters is that you still thought the spirit of the poem to be "sweet" and "lovely". Thanks.

I remember those rather more specific rules of grammar now that you brought them up, but didn't think about them at the time I wrote this. Knowledge of things such as the correct usage between "who" and "whom" are, unfortunately, probably not among most people's personal skills. At least, these kinds of things are why I made a B in both semesters of composition class instead of an A. ^_^

Regal wrote:


Regal, you are being nothing but complimentary of my work as always. ^_^

It's amazing, though. You've just implied that you like my writing better when I am not serious (such as in the case of "A Girl Called Mil Wind") than when I am.

This poem, "For Love of Emelia", however free-verse it was, was perhaps the most serious piece of writing I ever attempted. Its purpose, after all, is to describe an outward manifestation of the thoughts and inward struggles that plague a man such as myself when he falls in love with a seemingly wonderful girl, but is rejected by her, yet he still wishes more than anything to remain loyal to her regardless of the consequences (namely, certain loneliness).

... Does "worshipped" really have to p's, though? I thought it was actually one of those few words that didn't have double consonants when put into past tense.

Better yet, if it even exists, could you just tell me the rule that determines which words repeat their ending consonants and which ones don't? Or, do you just have to remember by which word it is?

actually, you know...

wor·ship [wúrship]
v (past wor·shiped or wor·shipped, past participle wor·shiped or wor·shipped, present participle wor·ship·ing or wor·ship·ping, 3rd person present singular wor·ships)

Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

do you not think that's interesting? it works both ways?

^_^ sorry, bud. i generally know intuitively how words are spelt and which ones are appropriate. it's a thing i picked up... well... iunno. when i was too young to remember, pretty much.

but on the upside, it seems you were right anyway ^_^

i think i preferred the theme to this poem more, but i thought the craftsmanship of the other poem was brilliant, despite the frivolity of the subject. ^^

I have to agree with Regal that the last two verses were the strongest. And it really was a lovely poem. Kinda sucks though, lol. Go through the whole thing thinking it's all gravy and then bam! She walks off. But I get the point.

For some reason I couldn't get the veggie tales "Barbra manatee" song out of my head the entire time? Odd side effect?

I love it... for the most part. It's overall a great and heartfelt story. A little overkill on sweet, and you use certain words over and over ad nauseum. If you just tone it down a little, and take a look at a thesaurus, it could be perfect.

... That was sooner than I had expected.

Thanks for taking the time to read, Miss Aeldra.



... I might as well come clean, though. The original title is "For Love of Sarah". I don't really know why at first I felt compelled to hide that fact. I mean, my user name alone already says it all, right? ^_^