Here's the story. I'm fed up with my girlfriend. I am also a girl. For the past 3 months, I have been leaning towards breaking up. This is hard for me to do, this is my first relationship. I have been in it since I was 16, I am now 19. What do I do? I feel scared. I room with her next year in college. I can't change this.

I have been feeling upset because she constantly tends to ignore my feelings on matters, and tends to leave me in the dark often. She has hit me. She has thrown things at me in the past and verbally degraded me.

It bothers me how she doesn't respect my family. She doesn't respect my mother because she drinks. But my mother is still a human, and a good one at that.

I'm just tired, I don't want to be with her anymore.

I plan to wait until the end of this semester and break up with her over the summer since we live together. So, how should I do this? I've never been so scared in my life.

Well you can take my advice with a grain of salt given I've never had a relationship. With that out of the way, I think the first step (if you haven't already done this), is to bring up the points you just mentioned with her. If you can't think of a subtle way, don't be afraid to be blunt. Then if she still doesn't respect how you feel, talk to your housing department and see if there is anyway you could switch (might want to do this first just incase). If not you might see if telling them your situation helps.

But if this doesn't work I'm not really sure what you should do. I would say just break up since you will feel a lot better with it, but it will also be a possibly awkward semester, and if she is vindictive (which given her personality from what you have said seems possible) she might be vengeful.

Really I think you should reevaluate the situation and make sure this is what you want (like I said it's possible you have, but a lot of times we just have bad days/weeks/whatever, and brashly come to incorrect conclusions, so it's always nice to make sure). Then after that just go for it and don't turn back. It's the turning back and regret that usually end up eating you alive. So I'm sure there is some way you could get out of you rooming with her if you really don't want to be with her. I'm sure mentioning she hit you in the past and you're afraid of that happening again should get you changing rooms rather fast.

So from the sounds of it, it's time to get out. Run and don't come back. But seriously I would advise sitting down with a couple of people in your college's housing department. No sense continuing something you really don't want, just to avoid any conflict, because you'll probably wish you hadn't. I would say just ignore it and try not to be there (in the room) much, but not really sure you would want to stay around an abusive person.

Well best of luck to you, and hope whatever your decision is makes you happy.

Perhaps a consulear(sp?) can help you. Usually that's someone I talk to. I mean, you can either talk to them once and never go back, or you could go further. I never personally want someone to dwell on me too much, so I find talking to someone helps.

Sorry if that didn't make any sense. Just believe in yourself. Goood luck.

I hesitate to respond as I all I know of your situation is what you wrote above. I will say that I truly hope you can find a happy solution.

You said "how should I do this" and that you "have never been so scared in your life". What are you scared of specifically? The obvious answer to how should I do this (break up) is take the time in person to explain to her firmly but sensitively that your relationship is over. I assume you know that, so there must be more to your question than meets the eye. I assume the 'more' of it is related to whatever you are scared of?

Well, there's always room for you here at my crib. lol

I know you're being serious, but a joke can ease the spirits a little bit. Its obvious what you need to do and TTC pointed that out rather well. You know the answer to the problem, no you just need to come to grips with that and actually do it. You could sit there and do nothing and be stuck where you are right now, or you could do something about it now and save yourself from future problems. It's all up to you. We can advise you on what to do, but what you choose to do is up to you.

You're smart, use you're head. You know what to do. When it comes to words, just follow your instincts on it. It will seem tough to start, but one you get out the message, the rest will come to you. Good luck and i hope it all ends up well for you. Don't back down from her either. If she tries to hurt you, you fight back. Don't give in to her sh*t.

I suggest you switch to men. At least that way there is a valid reason for them to be acting like big jerks.

^
Also a good way to break it to her BTW.

I would normally say you shouldn't be in any possition to get yourself hurt. A relationship should make you happy, should make you complete, and should be part of your that betters your life. If not, you shouldn't be in a relatoinship at all.

But I bet I can't say that, as it probably started off close to that... which is usually how it goes. Hence why I don't date anymore... I'd prefer not to dig my own grave.

Reguardless. I believe TTC has the best round about way of going about it. I'm sure the RA's would make a change if need be... and I'm sure if you told them any of what you said to us, they'd be quick to comply. As for your GF... I would distance myself a good deal. I have a good friend of mine and her BF hits her... and it kills me. I can't stand it, but there's nothing I can do other than contemplate just ripping out his ribbs and stabbing him in the juggular vein.

Anyway, about actually doing it. If you are worried about her getting physical about it, don't do it in person. I know that's considered bad form in the world of dating... but it's for your own safety. An alternate would be by phone. Tell her exactly what you told us. Point out her flaws and let her know exactly why you have come to this conclusion. Then stand firm in your resolve.

That's about all I've got. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

Well, gathering mainly from myself, I decided to stay with her.

As to why, I explained my whole situation to her last night. She seemed to understand, and apologized for her behavior. Really, she's been better since then. But should anything to a major negative extent happen, she will probably be dropped.

I know I haven't known you for too long, but still... take care.

You will never have to just settle... and you don't desirve to have to put up with that sh*t.

Wow, you mean a WHOLE DAY? She changes her attitude for ONE DAY, half a day, and now you're saying she's better? Jeez. You gotta give that some time.

When she gets angry, is that when she hits you/throws things at you? How the hell long has this been going on?

As far as respecting your mother, you're upset with her on that point merely because "she doesn't respect your mother". She really could have almost any reason in the world and it still probably wouldn't be good enough.

Still, you can't just be quiet in a relationship when something's bothering you. You have to vocalize it or it will not change at all. And I think this is what had been happening in yours. She'd be doing something, you didn't like it, but you said nothing. So she didn't know that it was bothering you.

If she is really that bad, then you can follow TTC's advice about the RAs and room changes.

You know... The best way I think.. And I had it done to me many times.. And I did a few times too.. XD

This is what you say.. Its very old yes.. But it works.

3 words!

I NEED SPACE

Yeah, that's way better than being honest.

I prefer the honest method... however, I am a bottom line type of guy, so it's to be expected.

Well, Saying you need space is very honest. Its a nice way of saying. GO AWAY!

Again, I hesitate, but I have to say that I agree with Ixzion's sarcasm about a 'WHOLE DAY'. You did say in your original post, "I don't want to be with her anymore." Now you say "I decided to stay with her."

I thought this topic was about HOW to break up with her, not SHOULD YOU break up with her.

Just thought I would point out the irony in following relationship advice from someone with no experience.

That is all.

Not that I don't believe in what I said, I just find it funny.






But yeah, what Ixzion said, but it seems you already took that into consideration



I think you should still take some time and really think about why you're with her. If it's just for comfort, and that's ok with you, then more power too you, but make sure it's what you really want. You might just want to try the lets just be friends, seriously, route. Might work out better for both of you, depending on how you both feel (and since I don't know I can't really make a good judgment on that).

hmm, guess i came into this topic pretty late. advice at this point... don't keep her in the dark. you talked to her right? that's good. Keep Talking. if you're unhappy say so cus she probably can't tell and can't help fix anything if she doesn't know about it.

that's all really.

Well lets see the best way would be to call her or meet her, tell her that you don't want anything to do with her. Now since I don't know what type of girl you're dating I don't know how she will react to this. The other way would be is to have a friend or your new girlfriend/boyfriend to step in and say she doesn't want to be with you please move on. It works like a charm.

Just reread that, ok she's lets say a little violent. She may take it as what the f*ck are you doing. You know I love you, I can change. or prepare for the worst. I'm not going to give you what could happen but all I will say is watch out.

That's why needing space is good. Because even if your not sure what you want to do.. You have time to think about it. And space might be the thing that everyone needs. And if you really want to cram it say, I think we should start seeing other people.

this may help you