Well, I woke up this morning, and everything was peachy. I felt like I got laid, but I didn’t. I woke up after 5.5 fresh hours of sleep and took a shower, preparing for my finals. I checked my facebook messages and saw that the gorgeous babe I had been talking to the past few days had sent me an apology about forgetting about some stuff to give me for chemistry, but it was all good on this gravy train. Things looked up. It wasn’t raining anymore. It was sunny. The signs of a good day.

I walked to chemistry, singing nince rockabilly tunes, and feeling confident about my finals I was to take today. I was pumped, talking to others while waiting to take the chemistry final, cracking jokes and making people laugh and feel relaxed. It was a good morning. A good start, yes. We took our seats 15 minutes before the exam started. I saw my gorgeous female friend, exchanged greetings while she sat down next to her other friends. I was poppin off at the mouth, making wise cracks.

Then I got my blue test form. The smile on my face disappeared almost instantly. These questions... what were they?! THEY MADE NO motherf*cking SENSE! I flipped page after page, my brow twitching in fury. I had not seen questions like these before. Had old man Thrasher pulled these out of his ass?! I did not know, but the brown stain might have been an indicator. I glared at the mean old man, for taunting and posturing. What was this?! I asked myself in a loud whisper.

I furiously scribbled away at formulas, trying to solve these chemistry formulae. After going a good way into the test, I burped loudly into my mouth, though not too audible for the casual ear. The hardcore earer would’ve heard such a burp. My chest felt heavy and tight. WHAT WAS THIS?! I skipped 30 questions to get to the new material. I had been lied to. This was bullsh*t. No longer was htis exam 60% new material, but now 40% new material. I grabbed at my pants zipper but realized where I was.

f*ck... I was in a classroom. I stayed my hand and kept my sword sheathed. I plowed away heavily at this exam, occasionally glancing at my hot obsession only 8 feet away. Her sexy brown, wavy hair. Oh, her sexy nose. Oh wait. I’m taking a test. f*ck. My gaze turned back to my paper. My ass began to burn, like I had been raped already by these paper dicks. I had gotten through 75% of the test at the hour and 10 mark. I was sweating in the pits. I was nervous. WHAT WAS I TO DO?!

I answered a few more questions, but I began to realize... I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THE f*ck I WAS DOING! I began to panic, my heart rate increasing. What was to become of me should I fail? No. f*ck it. I’M GONNA GUESS negro! YOU CAN’T STOP ME! I began to circle answers with no aim. I finish after an hour and a half of not knowing a god damn thing. My brain... it was melted. I was sad. I was mad. I turned in my test, patted the sexy lass on the shoulder and walked out, shouting in glee to be done...
However, anger filled my heart. This was an atrocity to humanity. No would could figure this test out and do well. f*ck him. f*ck Thrasher. I hope he dies in a fire inside of his oldsmobile with his mistress. I hope he rotted while masterbating to his gay porn. I stormed across the plain to the engineering building, where hope was abound... or was it? I was under the impression that my electromechanics test would be my saving grace. We were joking and playing on chat roulette prior to the exam.

We were happy fellows, betting on when we’d see the first dick. I didn’t bet because I lacked the funds. My spirits rose, I was going to take an easier final and get on with my life, and teem with confidence. But no. The future was not going to make my life fun or easy. After wading through the sea of dicks on chatroulette, we pressed onward up the stairs for our exam. We’ve been to this room over 200 days in two years. It is a stupid room. I hate it. It brings me bad luck. Penis.

We sat down, laughing and smiling, happy to take this easy exam. Then the short asian mother f*cker walks in, this big gay smile on his stupid chinese face. f*cking commie. He hands out the tests, sounding super excited with his f*cking asian accent and his mother f*cking lisp. OH HEY GAIZ! I hear him say in the back of my mind. I shudder, but focus and prepare. I look at the first question. It’s going to be ea--FUUUUUUUUUCK! What was this problem?! I flipped the pages to find something easier..

I flip the pages, and what’s this? I’VE NEVER SEEN THESE PROBLEMS BEFORE!!!! I search through the text, looking to find a similar homework problem. There is none. Many variables were missing. My mind... IT WAS SPINNING FOR SURE! f*ck YOU ASIAN negro! f*ck YOU TO f*cking HELL! I searched frantically, looking for some semblance of a problem from anything I had... nothing for the most part. Than I found a light in the darkness. Problem number six. Come to papa.

I find this problem in the text. It is straight from the text. I dig through my instructor’s manual, not to be denied my 15 points! I MUST HAVE! I scream to myself. I copied away in glee. But then when I finish, I felt like I just came and that satisfaction of the tension... the build up... it was gone. Now I had to search hard and long (HAHA!) for the other solutions. I cuss to myself in whispers. My friend next to me begins to help me. GOD IS GOOD! After all, you can’t spell good without God.

We worked through the problems stealthily... like MUHFUGGIN NINJAS, MAYNE! Like we be smokin’ the GANJA! But it was so hard! We frantically searched the book, trying to find a way... MY OWN WAAYYYYY! IT DOESN’T MATTER! NOW WHAT HAPP- oh wait. I’m taking a f*cking test. sh*t! My ass is throbbing... either this rape was painful or I needed to sh*t. I don’t know which. But I’m taking this test and 2 hours have gone by and I only have 3 problems of 7 done. WHAT NOW?!

I race through my remaining problems, checking with my friend Michael, hoping he can help me out as much as possible. He helps me, but not enough as I give up and turn my test in. How did I feel? I FELT LIKE KILLING A MUTHAFUCKA! I reached for my professor and ripped his larynx out! Oh wait... that was my imagination. No. I walked out of the room, the tension building. I wait for my friends to get out and the ranting began. WHAT THE f*ck WAS THAT?!

We talked for about half an hour about this bullsh*t test. I was angry. I kicked a wall, I kicked a pillar 5 times. I kicked a MOTHER f*cking SKINNY TREE! YEAH! I chipped the bark motherf*cker! I walked away, the anger growing inside. My day went on as usual, but with anger in my heart. I scared a mother and her children by telling them to get the f*ck out of my way or else. Oh, no. That didn’t happen. I wish it did. I got my toilet paper to clean my poopy asshole after a sh*t and left.

I spend the rest of my day loafing, talking... then I nap. I talk to my gorgeous lady friend a couple of more times before we get to this point. I got a 57 on my chemistry final. I’m pissed. I want to kill Jim. He might have herpes. What a GLORIOUS motherf*cking DAY!

I'm sorry to hear that, man.

How the hell would the professor do such a thing?